The Realist tarot ever

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Author: Tranna

  • Recommitting To Myself

    Much of society today honors commitments within relationships whether it’s with family members, friendships, business partners, day to day jobs and careers or romantic relationships. However, how often do we honor commitments within ourselves? Rarely, in my opinion. How are we able to be so strongly committed to other people and not to ourselves? How are we able to invest so much of our time, energy and money into other people and not to ourselves? How are we able to be so faithful, dedicated, nurturing and loving to another person or to“things” and not be that way with ourselves? We honor and respect commitments with other people or institutions but fail to respect and honor commitments to ourselves. Maybe this is one of the reasons why most of our relationships, personal goals and endeavor’s never succeed or ends up being unbalanced because if we can’t fully  commit to ourself, how the hell can we commit to another person or “thing”.

    What does the context of Commitment mean here? For me, it’s the foundational ground work that must be carefully and firmly laid so that life can be fully experienced with purpose and passion. This foundation includes fidelity to oneself, sovereignty within, detached determination, patience, acceptance and allowance, wholeness within, unapologetic authenticity and connection/oneness with God. Committing to myself means even when faced with the most adverse circumstances where there’s not a solution in sight at the moment and I’m faltering in every step; I remain patient and committed to myself by embracing the power within and accepting the situation for what it is. I know there are many things out of my control so the best visible choice in the moment is to learn as much as I can about what I’m experiencing and implement those lessons in full circle moments. It’s easy to lose ourselves in desirable or undesirable situations if we are not mindful, aware and grounded in our foundation. It’s easy to commit to other people or “things” when our foundation is built on self-deceit, abandonment issues, co-dependency, fear and all other things external. This faulty foundation is what leads to self-betrayal which leads to us being incapable of committing to ourselves.

    How does this type of self-betrayal end? I believe that the moment we begin to truly Love, Honor and Trust ourselves is how the self-betrayal ends and where the recommitment to ourself begins. When we know we are the very essence of Love and was created to become the co-creators of our own lives here on this earth; we can begin to trust ourselves more, become more confident in who we are and what we are here to do, we make a vow of fidelity to ourself and allow nothing or no-one to destroy that relationship we have with ourself. We are in Love and loyal to our passions and purpose. We embrace our passion and our purpose, so we no longer put anything or anyone before them. We don’t wear social masks to hide who we really are and what we are here to share with the world. We are our true unapologetic and unfiltered selfs not giving one f**k about what anyone thinks or feel about who we really are. We are finally Free.

    Our values and desires become top priority when we recommit to ourselves. Everything we do and even say comes from a place of pure Love. We think and behave differently, therefore our old life and everything that came with it that wasn’t a constituent of Love and Truth withers and dies. That means faulty relationships, that job you thought you were going to retire at, the plague of fear and doubt, guilt and shame; those habits and patterns you thought were going to stick with you forever are now DONE. It may be challenging when we begin to recommit to ourselves but when we remain steadfast and anchored in our foundation, the journey becomes easier. Life just flows effortlessly and we experience life presently with more joy and happiness from our Spirit rather than our ego. We know our worth and what we deserve so we no longer sell ourselves short by committing to everything and everyone before making ourselves and our needs a top priority first. And all of this is done selflessly selfishly. Yes, you read it correct. Selflessly, selfishly. Only the ones truly committed to themselves in the most Loving way understand what I mean here. Life’s lighter, brighter and filled with so much more joy and happiness you can’t receive externally. We are simply Free. Being in a healthy Committed relationship is one of the most beautiful things to experience, so from this moment forward, let this commitment begin with ourself  first. 

    From this moment forward, I Trayona, vow to love, honor and support myself in everything I do and in having what I really want. I am going to commit to myself in every way I can. This is what I really want for myself and I absolutely deserve it. 

    Now you.

  • The Blueface Effect

    This blog may come off as very shady, however I see it as unconventional admiration and respect.  The rapper Blueface is quite the controversial rapper and human species as well. Some people believe he’s “WACK” others beg to differ calling his rap style “unique” even when he’s rapping offbeat. Regardless of the positive and negative feedback and opinions, the man still rose to stardom. He first gained major attention from his song, “respect my cryppin” when it became a popular meme used by thousands of people. Then he really rose to fame and gained Hollywood access with his infamous hit, “Thotiana” which made it to the billboard 100s and eventually leading to a deal with cash money west’s record label. He’s also known to be a “marketing genius” to some, considering his time still being spent in the limelight. So, where am I getting at with all of this? Well, while I do think Blueface is corny as sugar, honey, ice, tea; I do feel he is somewhat of a marketing genius and I respect his grind, hustle, drive, confidence and determination because whether I think he’s A$$ or not, he made his dreams come true, and I wholeheartedly respect it.

    When you have dreams and goals you really want to accomplish, it’s super important to have unshakable confidence. You have to believe in yourself and in your desires even when everyone else around you is telling you or trying to convince you that your dreams are delusions and will only stay an idea seated in your mind. Not Blueface. Im not sure if he’s aware of his unique offbeat flow and lyrical bullshxt, but I highly doubt that he cares because look how far he has come from not giving up on his dreams. Me writing this blog is proof as well, because even if my work is taken in a negative way, he still gained my attention as well as gaining millions of other peoples attention alike. 

    Point being, people are going to discuss their opinions, judgements, hate or praise regardless and all of these discussions gain attraction and attention so it’s up to us to do something positive with that feedback. You have to stand your ground and be confident in your work no matter what the people say about it or you. You have to believe in yourself so courageously and truly believe you are worthy of accomplishing whatever dreams you hold in your heart and mind like Blueface do. When everyone around you is telling you NO, you must consistently affirm your YES. You must believe your dreams will miraculously be brought into fruition and even when you are unsure as to “how” it will all occur. You must remain in total unwavering faith while still using your God given gifts of inherent resourcefulness.

    You must believe in your dreams the way Blueface did because regardless of what any negative belief you have of him, he still made it. He believed in himself so much that people in powerful positions did as well which contributed to his success. You are the author of your own story. No one can write your story unless you let them. You are the co-creator of your own life so no one can destroy or build your legacy except you. So regardless of any doubts, fears, negativity, hate or love and praise that’s being projected onto you by others, it’s all up to you to fulfill your dreams of doing and being what you know you’re destined for. If Blueface succeeded, then so can you. 

  • The Void (Creating Space)

    Emptiness within (The Void) creates space for the things that really matter riding ourselves of everything that doesn’t. The Void is an opportunity to uplift and support us during those very dark and difficult moments we find ourselves in. The moments where we feel stuck, stagnant, miserable and distracted. That emptiness we feel is merely space for growth, elevation and expansion. This requires moments for us to pause and reflect to go deep within ourselves to “see” what’s honestly no longer serving our highest good. It’s an opportunity to free our minds from bondage and imprisonment; the beliefs that keeps us swimming in the reservoirs of illusions of false security, familiarity and deafening comfort that convinces us that it’s perfectly fine to remain this way or to settle with this life that we rather not live but believe this life is the only alternative. No. The Void is a time to realize we would rather swim in the oceans of Love and Truth and not the man made reservoirs of Lies and fear. 

    If we feel empty, lost or in a “dark place”, we could choose to embrace all that’s empty, lost, and uncertain. We could choose to grieve for a moment of everything we are now required to detach from because there’s more and something bigger and better in store for us if we simply let go and surrender to The Void. Since we are accustomed to certain survival mechanisms, we naively think and believe we are safe because of the familiarity and comfort of the false conditioning of past beliefs, habits, patterns, attitudes, lifestyles or upbringing we have been attached to for so long. However, most of us secretly or overtly crave something more meaningful and different but have no clue as to how we will arrive there. This period of uncertainty of how we’ll get there is natural to feel. It’s also unnecessary to struggle against. Surrendering and letting go allows space for the right answers to surface, the right paths become illuminated, what once felt limited becomes limitless; everything just suddenly clicks and comes together naturally because we boldly decided to surrender and trust ourselves and God.

    In order to reach and embrace the boundless and joyous delights of space, we must be willing to let go of everything that doesn’t align with the new life that’s in gestation. This means embracing change and transformation however minute or significant. It means preparing ourselves to be ready to sacrifice our current life for the new one that’s coming in. This means stepping out of of our comfort zones to do things we thought we’d never do because of fear, it means no longer making excuses for why something can’t be done, it means communicating to our friends and family that we have tasks to complete, so no, I can’t talk right now, I can’t do this, or go there because I have important work to do. It also means unconditionally loving and accepting ourselves until we are able to overcome any self-worth issues that convinces us that we are not good enough for what we truly desire. 

    When we fully embrace The Void (emptiness), we arrive on the island of clarity, love, acceptance, expansion, inspiration and total surrender and freedom. Everything that didn’t make sense then becomes revelations for how those undesirable circumstances and very challenging situations were happening for us the entire time. Hindsight is now 20/20 and we are able to move through life and personal experiences with more confidence, vigor and dynamism. We feel more inspired, motivated, willful and determined to do everything required of us. There is no room for fear, doubt, limitations, negativity, low self-worth, guilt and shame because we boldly entered the crowed space where these things once occupied and decided to graciously get rid of it all so unconditional love, acceptance, strength, courage, inspiration and freedom can now reside within us and around us. Emptiness is not an enemy. It is an opportunity to fill that space with whatever we want. The choice is ours. How are you embracing The Void and what will you now fill that space with?

  • The devil was Me

    “Real Growth and Elevation happens when we can bravely look in the mirror and realize that we were the monster and mastermind behind the demise and destruction of our lives”

    Blaming the devil or demons is another way to keep us trapped in suffering and pain caused by our inhibitions, patterns, habits, beliefs and daily thoughts all of which are very debilitating to our health and wellbeing. We become stuck, we become sick with life threatening illnesses and diseases or we find ourselves at the mercy and control of some addiction perpetuating the delusion that this addiction, habit or belief is a way to cope or escape from the pain and suffering of our lives when it’s really a way of coping and escaping from ourselves. Our vices are there to teach us life lessons and to help us become aware of the part of us that needs to change. We don’t have to punish ourselves with the plague of guilt or shame nor should we punish others with harsh judgments and criticism. Unfortunately, this has become a natural and daily unconscious behavior from humans. How do we do it? By blaming it all on the devil. 

    Whether we are battling an addiction or dealing with our own fears and doubts that contribute to certain behaviors, patterns and daily thoughts that keep us stuck in ways that are not conducive to our personal development and evolution as humans; we must keep it real with ourselves and realize that it’s (me vs. me) NOT me vs. them or the devil. The devil isn’t the reason we keep living in the painful past, or the reason we can’t do what our heart desires, or the reason we keep picking up the bottle, popping the pills or using some other substance that’s destructive to our body, or the reason we hate people because we refuse to trust them due to past disappointment and heartbreak. The devil isn’t the reason why we won’t take the leap of faith and start that new project or endeavor. The devil isn’t the reason we can’t forgive. The devil is not our friends, family, our parents, world leaders etc. Whatever vices we possess or pain we are currently struggling to cope with, we must learn to lovingly accept it. Embrace it fully. Face it by looking it dead in the eye even when we are quivering with fear. Essentially, we realize we’re looking at ourself, and the consolation in this is that by realizing it’s us, we know we won’t hurt and harm ourselves. 

    The notion of the devil is innately horrific to humans, so it’s no surprise that we are overcome with fear when we have to face “the devil” (ourselves). This is a very hard realization to process let alone work through, so in an attempt to avoid doing the work on ourselves that’s required, we continue with our habits and patterns of escapism to cope with the devil inside of us completely unaware that the devil or “demons” are the very habits, patterns, destructive belief systems and trauma we live with everyday. The devil is the unwise choices and actions we make or the thoughts that tell us we are unworthy, not lovable, undeserving or whatever other morbid thought we conceive that keeps us stagnant and unable to evolve as humans. The harmful acts we inflict upon others is US, not the devil. I believe that blaming the devil is just another way we unconsciously give our power and control away. We become powerless when we blame everything and everyone else except ourselves. We become slaves of our own doing, puppets unaware that we are pulling our own strings or because we give away our power, control and free will, we are under the illusion that someone or something else is pulling the strings and we believe we’re under their/its commands forever. Therefore, cycles of suffering and pain in our lives are perpetuated.

    If we learn to embrace, face and accept the devil (which is the part of us that needs to change), we are actually embracing, facing and accepting ourselves fully without criticizing, judging and rejecting the parts of us that need to change. We are no longer plagued by guilt and shame because of what we did, what happened to us, or what we allowed. We no longer project or blame anyone or anything including ourselves. We just learn to take healthy accountability for our actions, choices and mistakes and use them as lessons and tools to do better by ourselves and be better with others. We forgive ourselves and others and beg the forgiveness of all we have hurt and harmed when we were under the illusion of the devil. We restore our inner strength, resilience, power and control. We become empowered and in control of ourselves and of our lives. We are no longer slaves to the past therefore we become masters of our present lives and (future to an extent lol). Facing, embracing and accepting the devil integrates every part of us making us feel whole, loved and complete. We are no longer separated from ourselves or others for that matter. We become intertwined with the Universal Love that’s inherently ours and is already within us. Everything becomes crystal clear when we face the darkness or the devil inside of us because we are not afraid to open our eyes (inner eye), shine the light, (open our heart) and become fearlessly vulnerable and meet the parts of us that need to change with so much love, tenderness and care like we would give to a child who has been badly hurt.

    We must realize that we are the Masters, Queens, Kings, Princes, Princesses, Gods and Goddesses of our lives and of ourselves. In no way am I ignoring or promoting the ignorance of outside influences, however we cannot become trapped in the illusion of those influences. We must take our power back and realize that it all begins and ends with us (to an extent, of course). We have free-will and power of choice. We can choose to fully and unconditionally Love and accept ourselves. We can choose to break habits, curses, addictions at will if we are willing to look in the mirror without being disgusted or afraid to see that the devil is us and accept that and feel fine about it because when you meet that devil with unconditional  Love, you have won already. There’s nothing to fear at this point because Love, real true Love can withstand anything and anyone you place in its vicinity. There’s no judgment, no hate, no fear, no criticism, it’s just pure and unconditional Love and anything that isn’t from its influence, lovingly falls away, dissipates and releases so that something new, pure and loved is born anew. That’s you if you are willing to fully trust, love and accept who you are right now even if it’s the devil. 

    *Disclaimer*

    I know this topic can be very misleading and controversial so I am in no way promoting ignorance or disrespect to anyones religious beliefs and backgrounds. My intentions for this blog is only to promote Love, self-acceptance and healing in any way I can. If you feel disrespected or bothered by what’s written in my blog, I sincerely apologize. I also want to be clear that I am not saying you (the reader) are the reason that any deplorable act was done to you. I am also not saying that anyone is an evil person either. But if you feel that’s the context of this blog, I apologize. That’s not my intention. Thank you!

    Trayona.

  • & Then She Woke Up

    Suddenly she realized how truly unhappy, bitter, angry, frustrated, slightly depressed, weak, lost, scared and confused she really was. She was a short fuse exploding at the most sensitive to harsh usages. Her life plagued by years of pain and disappointment. Struggles, emotional abandonment, scarcity, lack, witnessing violence and abuse, betrayal, loss, grieving the living and the dead, enslaved to victim consciousness, enslaved to the past, enslaved to desolate circumstances, enslaved to people’s opinions of her, a prisoner in her own mind unaware that she had the keys and any other resource to free her from these psychological binds. She was fucked up mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically. To this day, she wonders how she was even able to navigate through life with such a load heavy and barren enough to break someone or something in half the moment they attempt to carry it. 

    Perhaps, it was the life she pushed out her womb in August of 2012 that gave her some hope, restored her cold, faintly beating heart and whenever she looked at the life she sprung into this world, she knew she could never give up, that she could never leave this precious, innocent life alone in this world. So she kept living and buried all of that pain she was carrying deep within her and covered it by developing a relationship with God and the church, working, a very mild social life, college, law of attraction books and pure avoidance and ignorance. However, nothing stays covered forever, and eventually trash rots and leaves an unbearable smell that can no longer be avoided. She was also unaware that everything she ever experienced was somewhat ordained according to her blueprint for life. A dream and exploration for her soul to transcend and journey here on this plane. Her waking up was inevitable, it was divinely orchestrated, destined in some sense and ironically, she couldn’t be happier.

    She left the prison of victim consciousness behind. She doesn’t even feel that it’s necessary to persecute all who wrongly betrayed her. She knows that she was never perfect and has done and said things she wish she could take back. So this allows her to not only beg for the forgiveness of those she did wrong but she has learned to hold a space of unconditional love and understanding for people who betrayed and hurt her because she knows that at that time they were hurting and dealing with a pain so deep that the only way for them to cope was to inflict. They didn’t know any better, and the ones who did, she still extend love, forgiveness and understanding to them. She woke up and realized victim consciousness chained her to the past, initiated her into believing stories that felt like a curse upon her life. It was as if she walked through life with her eyes and mouth covered so she wouldn’t be able to see how she played a role in her own life being the way it was. She was afraid to express her true emotions and feelings about everything because she believed that no one cared. She actually lived through moments where her life experiences were undermined by people close to her so she shut down even more than before. Everything was “they did this”, “they did that”, “why me”, “why does bad things always happen to me”, “how could she”, “how could he”; but then she woke up and started saying “how could I”. She became honest with herself and begin taking accountability for her actions. She became responsible for her own life. Suddenly, there was no ‘them”, it was only ‘I’. 

    She woke up and started being uncomfortably vulnerable with herself. She saw what really needed to be changed, healed, forgiven and released in her life. She discovered that personal ownership is real power that leads to ultimate fulfillment. She realized there was no one or nothing to blame, including herself. Then, she became even more free. She woke up and understood what was really important in her life. She begin creating a new and solid foundation to place her principals on. She begin working on herself for years solidifying the new paradigm that was initiated into her new life. She woke up and changed her perception of fear, the past, the future, doubt, lack, God, Goddess, people, family, friends, motherhood, romance, love, pain, masculine, patriarchy, feminine, death, rebirth and beginnings. 

    She woke up and made the decision to say yes to her new life, her calling, a clean slate, to surrender herself to the unknown and the known. She woke up and realized she has nothing to lose but everything to gain from trusting and accepting her destiny. She isn’t afraid of who she is and she’s not ashamed by who she was, what she did and what she allowed. She woke up and realized that only she can affirm her ‘I am’. She woke up to her sovereignty, to her innate strength, her inherent gifts, to being as courageous as life needs her to be. She woke up to Love, to light, to darkness, to fear, to heal, to forgive and let go of what no longer serves her. She woke up to her connection to the Spirit and animal realm and all other lovingly light-filled luminous beings from other dimensions and planes. She is now Free, She is open and a mystery. She knows not everybody will understand her, let alone fathom her light but she doesn’t care. She woke up and chose to continue shining anyway. She woke up and chose to really start living her own life the way she desires to. She woke up Awakened; ready to Heal, ready to Transform, ready to Serve, and most importantly, ready to Love.


    *You ever stopped and thought “Wow, I prayed for this. It’s here. It’s really happening,”* Unknown.

  • Surrendering to the Unknown and the Known

    “Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be”. Sonia Ricotti

    Surrendering is a word that’s often feared and resisted like the word discipline. Both are necessary but we avoid it especially when the circumstances calls for it. We mistakenly confuse surrender with giving up, quitting, and even failing. I believe surrendering does entail forms of giving up (releasing control), quitting (letting go) and failing (learning viable lessons), however it’s not in the way we are use to perceiving it. Surrendering to me is about releasing control, truth, letting go of things, people, ideals, ideas etc that no longer serve or align with us and learning from tough challenges and experiences. We resist doing all of this because we don’t know what would happen if we did let go, trust, release, quit or go through the trial and error phase. Not knowing something is scary because we don’t have any control. We are use to controlling the narrative and circumstances and when that isn’t an option, we lose our shit. We are simply scared of losing something or something negative or positive occurring. But what is it that we are afraid of losing and what are we afraid of that’s going to happen?

    There are many books that push the idea of Surrendering and even many of my Tarot and Oracle card readings I do on myself suggest ‘Surrender’ and while I understood the surface meaning of Surrender, I didn’t fully grasp the underlying concept of it until now. My in-depth interpretation of Surrender is being able to fully open up to the unknown and the known. It’s about trusting that everything will work out even when everything around you appears to be falling apart. Nothing makes sense, life seems murky and cloudy, nothing seems to be happening even when you feel you are taking practical action towards your purpose and goals. It’s like being the only one at the party or being in a foreign country where no one understands you and every time you ask for one thing, you receive something entirely different. Surrender is having unwavering faith in God and in oneself. Surrendering is having positive beliefs about a current situation and of the future. Surrendering is being able to fall into life’s arms knowing it’s going to catch you, and when it does, it embraces you with the most lovingly, heartfelt and warm embrace where you feel safe, secure, seen and heard. It swaddles you reminding you that it’s safe for you to open up, to trust, to let go, to gracefully take that L (loss) as a lesson learned and not you being a loser. Surrendering is freeing, it’s as if you were carrying something extremely heavy up a steep hill and when you finally drop that load, this huge wave of relief sets into your body making you feel relaxed, calm and at peace mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Surrendering is knowing absolutely nothing and still being able to feel secure in life, in God and in yourself. You don’t know but you know.

    Do we question the intelligence of life? Do we attempt to control the intelligence of life? What I mean by this is, day and night, the changing of the seasons, Earth’s orbit around the Sun, the Moon orbits around the Earth, the transformation of a butterfly, the eggs laid by animals, the gestation of human life and how once the sperm fertilizes the egg, a heart, lungs, brain, stomach, toes, hands, feet etc are formed. Take a moment to really process how these things come to be as if by ‘magic’ mystery, miracle or nature. They take form and occur by nature or God’s will or through Universal Law, maybe through all 3 since everything in life is connected anyway; but the point I’m making is we surrender to the intelligence of life in a subconscious and conscious way so what if we surrendered to our personal life in the same respect. What if our personal life, goals, situations or circumstances could take form in a miraculous, intelligently universal way like all other things if we would be willing to Surrender? What if resisting Surrender is aborting the birth of a new reality for us. Aborting rebirth. Hindering growth and elevation. Causing a quake in our personal world all because of a refusal to surrender.

    This is where Surrendering to the known comes in. I realized that Surrendering to the unknown coincides with living life in the present. That’s what I mean by the ‘known’. Surrendering to the known means fully accepting yourself and your present life exactly as it is. It’s having complete trust in life that no matter what it appears to be right now, you know even when you don’t fully know that everything will work out the way it’s suppose to. The fully “not knowing” part is the instinctive aspect of us that has to know ‘how’ something will be in order to feel secure, safe and in control, but that ‘how’ dissipates once we fully Surrender to the unknown and the known assuring us that we are secure, safe and things are in control. It’s like flying on a plane and suddenly the plane is hit with extreme turbulence. Your heart may drop into your stomach for a moment but then the turbulence stops, you’re calm now because you understand that happens when flying, but more importantly, you know you’re safe and will not die. 

    Surrendering to the unknown is far from easy and for most it’s not enjoyable but if we combine the unknown with the known, we realize we were overlooking the blessings we currently have such as the basics; a roof over our head, clean water to drink and wash with, a job or career, supportive family and friends, our children are provided for in the best ways possible, our health, having all of our limbs, being able to use our 5 senses, breathing fresh air, shoes on our feet, clothes on our back I mean the list goes on and on. I’m sure you could also name several things to be grateful for in the known. So, no matter how daunting life can be at times, nothing is more powerful than our willingness to surrender to it combined with the miraculous intelligence of life (God), those circumstances don’t stand a chance once you Surrender to them. Because you Know, Trust, Believe and have Faith that everything will work out, IT WILL. Your complete Surrendering to the unknown and the known sends a powerful message to the Universe that lawfully sets things in motion in the most intelligently unfathomable ways. Your courage and resilience in the process will be greatly rewarded, well done.