The Realist tarot ever

Category: Uncategorized

  • & Then She Woke Up

    Suddenly she realized how truly unhappy, bitter, angry, frustrated, slightly depressed, weak, lost, scared and confused she really was. She was a short fuse exploding at the most sensitive to harsh usages. Her life plagued by years of pain and disappointment. Struggles, emotional abandonment, scarcity, lack, witnessing violence and abuse, betrayal, loss, grieving the living and the dead, enslaved to victim consciousness, enslaved to the past, enslaved to desolate circumstances, enslaved to people’s opinions of her, a prisoner in her own mind unaware that she had the keys and any other resource to free her from these psychological binds. She was fucked up mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically. To this day, she wonders how she was even able to navigate through life with such a load heavy and barren enough to break someone or something in half the moment they attempt to carry it. 

    Perhaps, it was the life she pushed out her womb in August of 2012 that gave her some hope, restored her cold, faintly beating heart and whenever she looked at the life she sprung into this world, she knew she could never give up, that she could never leave this precious, innocent life alone in this world. So she kept living and buried all of that pain she was carrying deep within her and covered it by developing a relationship with God and the church, working, a very mild social life, college, law of attraction books and pure avoidance and ignorance. However, nothing stays covered forever, and eventually trash rots and leaves an unbearable smell that can no longer be avoided. She was also unaware that everything she ever experienced was somewhat ordained according to her blueprint for life. A dream and exploration for her soul to transcend and journey here on this plane. Her waking up was inevitable, it was divinely orchestrated, destined in some sense and ironically, she couldn’t be happier.

    She left the prison of victim consciousness behind. She doesn’t even feel that it’s necessary to persecute all who wrongly betrayed her. She knows that she was never perfect and has done and said things she wish she could take back. So this allows her to not only beg for the forgiveness of those she did wrong but she has learned to hold a space of unconditional love and understanding for people who betrayed and hurt her because she knows that at that time they were hurting and dealing with a pain so deep that the only way for them to cope was to inflict. They didn’t know any better, and the ones who did, she still extend love, forgiveness and understanding to them. She woke up and realized victim consciousness chained her to the past, initiated her into believing stories that felt like a curse upon her life. It was as if she walked through life with her eyes and mouth covered so she wouldn’t be able to see how she played a role in her own life being the way it was. She was afraid to express her true emotions and feelings about everything because she believed that no one cared. She actually lived through moments where her life experiences were undermined by people close to her so she shut down even more than before. Everything was “they did this”, “they did that”, “why me”, “why does bad things always happen to me”, “how could she”, “how could he”; but then she woke up and started saying “how could I”. She became honest with herself and begin taking accountability for her actions. She became responsible for her own life. Suddenly, there was no ‘them”, it was only ‘I’. 

    She woke up and started being uncomfortably vulnerable with herself. She saw what really needed to be changed, healed, forgiven and released in her life. She discovered that personal ownership is real power that leads to ultimate fulfillment. She realized there was no one or nothing to blame, including herself. Then, she became even more free. She woke up and understood what was really important in her life. She begin creating a new and solid foundation to place her principals on. She begin working on herself for years solidifying the new paradigm that was initiated into her new life. She woke up and changed her perception of fear, the past, the future, doubt, lack, God, Goddess, people, family, friends, motherhood, romance, love, pain, masculine, patriarchy, feminine, death, rebirth and beginnings. 

    She woke up and made the decision to say yes to her new life, her calling, a clean slate, to surrender herself to the unknown and the known. She woke up and realized she has nothing to lose but everything to gain from trusting and accepting her destiny. She isn’t afraid of who she is and she’s not ashamed by who she was, what she did and what she allowed. She woke up and realized that only she can affirm her ‘I am’. She woke up to her sovereignty, to her innate strength, her inherent gifts, to being as courageous as life needs her to be. She woke up to Love, to light, to darkness, to fear, to heal, to forgive and let go of what no longer serves her. She woke up to her connection to the Spirit and animal realm and all other lovingly light-filled luminous beings from other dimensions and planes. She is now Free, She is open and a mystery. She knows not everybody will understand her, let alone fathom her light but she doesn’t care. She woke up and chose to continue shining anyway. She woke up and chose to really start living her own life the way she desires to. She woke up Awakened; ready to Heal, ready to Transform, ready to Serve, and most importantly, ready to Love.


    *You ever stopped and thought “Wow, I prayed for this. It’s here. It’s really happening,”* Unknown.

  • Surrendering to the Unknown and the Known

    “Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be”. Sonia Ricotti

    Surrendering is a word that’s often feared and resisted like the word discipline. Both are necessary but we avoid it especially when the circumstances calls for it. We mistakenly confuse surrender with giving up, quitting, and even failing. I believe surrendering does entail forms of giving up (releasing control), quitting (letting go) and failing (learning viable lessons), however it’s not in the way we are use to perceiving it. Surrendering to me is about releasing control, truth, letting go of things, people, ideals, ideas etc that no longer serve or align with us and learning from tough challenges and experiences. We resist doing all of this because we don’t know what would happen if we did let go, trust, release, quit or go through the trial and error phase. Not knowing something is scary because we don’t have any control. We are use to controlling the narrative and circumstances and when that isn’t an option, we lose our shit. We are simply scared of losing something or something negative or positive occurring. But what is it that we are afraid of losing and what are we afraid of that’s going to happen?

    There are many books that push the idea of Surrendering and even many of my Tarot and Oracle card readings I do on myself suggest ‘Surrender’ and while I understood the surface meaning of Surrender, I didn’t fully grasp the underlying concept of it until now. My in-depth interpretation of Surrender is being able to fully open up to the unknown and the known. It’s about trusting that everything will work out even when everything around you appears to be falling apart. Nothing makes sense, life seems murky and cloudy, nothing seems to be happening even when you feel you are taking practical action towards your purpose and goals. It’s like being the only one at the party or being in a foreign country where no one understands you and every time you ask for one thing, you receive something entirely different. Surrender is having unwavering faith in God and in oneself. Surrendering is having positive beliefs about a current situation and of the future. Surrendering is being able to fall into life’s arms knowing it’s going to catch you, and when it does, it embraces you with the most lovingly, heartfelt and warm embrace where you feel safe, secure, seen and heard. It swaddles you reminding you that it’s safe for you to open up, to trust, to let go, to gracefully take that L (loss) as a lesson learned and not you being a loser. Surrendering is freeing, it’s as if you were carrying something extremely heavy up a steep hill and when you finally drop that load, this huge wave of relief sets into your body making you feel relaxed, calm and at peace mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Surrendering is knowing absolutely nothing and still being able to feel secure in life, in God and in yourself. You don’t know but you know.

    Do we question the intelligence of life? Do we attempt to control the intelligence of life? What I mean by this is, day and night, the changing of the seasons, Earth’s orbit around the Sun, the Moon orbits around the Earth, the transformation of a butterfly, the eggs laid by animals, the gestation of human life and how once the sperm fertilizes the egg, a heart, lungs, brain, stomach, toes, hands, feet etc are formed. Take a moment to really process how these things come to be as if by ‘magic’ mystery, miracle or nature. They take form and occur by nature or God’s will or through Universal Law, maybe through all 3 since everything in life is connected anyway; but the point I’m making is we surrender to the intelligence of life in a subconscious and conscious way so what if we surrendered to our personal life in the same respect. What if our personal life, goals, situations or circumstances could take form in a miraculous, intelligently universal way like all other things if we would be willing to Surrender? What if resisting Surrender is aborting the birth of a new reality for us. Aborting rebirth. Hindering growth and elevation. Causing a quake in our personal world all because of a refusal to surrender.

    This is where Surrendering to the known comes in. I realized that Surrendering to the unknown coincides with living life in the present. That’s what I mean by the ‘known’. Surrendering to the known means fully accepting yourself and your present life exactly as it is. It’s having complete trust in life that no matter what it appears to be right now, you know even when you don’t fully know that everything will work out the way it’s suppose to. The fully “not knowing” part is the instinctive aspect of us that has to know ‘how’ something will be in order to feel secure, safe and in control, but that ‘how’ dissipates once we fully Surrender to the unknown and the known assuring us that we are secure, safe and things are in control. It’s like flying on a plane and suddenly the plane is hit with extreme turbulence. Your heart may drop into your stomach for a moment but then the turbulence stops, you’re calm now because you understand that happens when flying, but more importantly, you know you’re safe and will not die. 

    Surrendering to the unknown is far from easy and for most it’s not enjoyable but if we combine the unknown with the known, we realize we were overlooking the blessings we currently have such as the basics; a roof over our head, clean water to drink and wash with, a job or career, supportive family and friends, our children are provided for in the best ways possible, our health, having all of our limbs, being able to use our 5 senses, breathing fresh air, shoes on our feet, clothes on our back I mean the list goes on and on. I’m sure you could also name several things to be grateful for in the known. So, no matter how daunting life can be at times, nothing is more powerful than our willingness to surrender to it combined with the miraculous intelligence of life (God), those circumstances don’t stand a chance once you Surrender to them. Because you Know, Trust, Believe and have Faith that everything will work out, IT WILL. Your complete Surrendering to the unknown and the known sends a powerful message to the Universe that lawfully sets things in motion in the most intelligently unfathomable ways. Your courage and resilience in the process will be greatly rewarded, well done. 

  • Shoot Your Shot to the Universe

    “To the stars who listen, and the dreams that are answered”

    Sarah J. Maas.

    Have you ever *shooted* your shot with someone? To my people who may not understand the ebonics of ‘shoot your shot’; it’s mostly used in a romantic sense of taking a chance and asking someone out or letting a person know you have ‘romantic’ feelings for them. However, I’m not just talking about letting a specific person know how you really feel about them, but if that’s your current situation, then I strongly encourage you to let him/her know how you really feel. What I’m talking about is letting the Universe know what you want and how you feel. 

    What’s something you really want to do or receive but are super afraid to make happen? What currently stands in the way of you asking/speaking about what you truly want? Can you visualize your deepest desires? Does what you want burn passionately inside you, but there’s no outlet for you to stream those passions? When it comes to shooting your shot at anything, are you fearful of rejection or have you ever been rejected when you did shoot your shot? Was your rejection met with embarrassment, shame, pain or anger? Or did you just dust yourself off and try again? 

    After you answer these questions, take a moment to imagine the thing/or person you’re shooting your shot to is the Universe. Yes, if it helps, think of the Universe as a person. Imagine letting the Universe know how you really feel and what you really want. If you’re thinking to yourself I sound freaking crazy saying this, Good. Crazy in this case is necessary because sometimes you have to be bold, be wild, be free…be crazy and the amazing part of this is that the Universe rewards these kinds of people since they boldly go where others are to afraid to.

    Shooting your shot to the Universe is simply having a conversation with the Universe like you would with your most trusted friend. Ironically enough, the Universe is actually our friend/ally. It certainly isn’t an enemy no matter what life appears to be on the surface or beneath it. The Universe is a listener, it’s neutral. Whatever you think of yourself and life, it supports. Whatever you want in life, it supports you. So what do you think of yourself and life on the daily basis? Is it positive or negative? Are your thoughts and feelings in congruence with each other meaning are you saying one thing, but deep inside you feel something entirely different? For  example, let’s say you really want this promotion at your current job. Consciously, you’re telling yourself you want this promotion, but subconsciously, you’re feeling like you won’t get it. That subconscious feeling is much stronger than you consciously telling yourself you want the promotion which is why there’s a 90% chance you won’t get it. So when shooting your shot to the Universe, be certain of your confidence. Be bold, be brave, be CLEAR. You don’t need to be concerned about being rejected by the Universe because it won’t reject you. Only you can reject what you want by not fully believing you’ll get it or if it’s not truly in alignment with your blueprint for life. As I stated earlier, the Universe supports what you want or don’t want. It’s neutral.

    Once you have shooted your shot to the Universe, it’s now time to follow through with a strategic plan of action. Don’t think for a second that once you state your desires to the Universe it’s going to come plummeting into your life without any action on your part. Absolutely not. You must meet the Universe half way by taking practical steps to unearth the wants you stated. A personal example for me was when my license was ‘supposed’ to be suspended for 1 year and 6 months. When I tell you guys every fiber in my being was in total disagreement with this decision. I didn’t care how I sounded or looked when I said my license will be restored before the date that was given to me. Nothing opposed my thoughts and feelings when it came to my license being restored including what the law said. I also took necessary action to support my declarations I made to the Universe. And guess what, by the grace of God/the Universe my license was restored as well as other charges being dropped. I believe that was a bonus blessing for remaining true to what I desired. An extra reward to show me how supportive the Universe is especially when we support ourselves. I have so many other examples to highlight the magic and mystery of the Universe and maybe you have some as well.

    Shooting your shot to the Universe does require risks to be taken, but I promise you you’ll be rewarded in the process and in the end. Also, you must be consistent with shooting your shot. Talk to the Universe everyday about your desires. It’s your friend, ally and confidant. No, you won’t be doing to much, asking for too much or ‘irritating’; you’re in fact actually sending passionate and positive vibrations to the Universe by affirming your wants and needs. If there’s something you want, REQUEST it, ASK for it, DECLARE it, AFFIRM it, ACTIVATE it. Do it immediately after reading this blog and be sure that you FEEL what you’re asking for. Do it everyday until that desire is materialized. Be absolutely certain that nothing opposes it no matter what life appears to be on the surface or beneath it. Know it will come. feel that it will come, and take action…Everyday!!! Believe me, the Universe will conspire with you to spring your shot into fruition. Lastly, GET READY because once you shoot that shot to the Universe, be prepared to receive what you ask for. 

  • Channels from Billions

    Journal Entry- 7-7-24

    Time- 12am ish

    I was watching the show Billions and there was a scene at the Skinners Academy at night and while looking at the view, it was absolutely breathtaking how beautiful the lights were shining during that scene. I said/realized everything seems to look better at night. When it’s daytime and the lights are on, the light doesn’t shine as bright as it would if it were dark. The darkness makes light shine more beautifully. Then it made me think of myself and people like me who are seeking, healing and discovering things about ourselves that requires us to go to the “dark places” to find the “light” that’s already within us. What if we looked at the dark how we look at the light and saw that it’s just as beautiful and that the two shouldn’t be viewed as something separate but interchangeably the same. One can’t exist without the other no matter how hard we try to avoid both. Both are equally beautiful and we could learn to see that in ourselves when working through the “dark parts” of our healing. Dark alone or light alone still shines in its own way. Dark and light can be seen as a unit/togetherness because when combined they both accentuate one another. One doesn’t exist without the other no matter how much we try to avoid them.

    I believe it’s unnecessary to shun or disassociate from facing the darkness within ourselves. We are basically emotionally detaching from ourselves and from life. Wandering without a direction or destination can be more of a danger than facing what needs to be acknowledged and addressed within ourselves and in our reality that’s seen as dark. We don’t see it that way because we have been programmed to believe that “dark” or anything “black” is bad or negative and must be avoided at all costs. Being able to see light in darkness and deal with it in the most loving and graceful way takes courage and a lot of vulnerability which represents boldness and resilience in an individual. I feel that boldness and resilience are prerequisites for success among a few other characteristics, but those are definitely the foundation that one must stand on when conquering anything in life. What’s not beautiful about that?

    There’s no need to be ashamed about what’s discovered in the dark because the beauty is in what is being transformed from that. It’s in owning it and not it owning you or letting others use that as a way to have ownership/power over you. There’s no need to hold a negative notion about darkness anymore because when you really open your eyes you’ll notice how things are twice as bright and beautiful in the dark. Many beautiful ideas and desires are kept in the dark because of fear. What if someone in the world needs what you keep tucked in the dark. What if you decide today to shine light on it? What do you think would happen? And does what you think will happen have anything to do with what you think society will think of you once that light is shown on it? If you’re worrying and wondering about others, why do you care so much? How could your light affect someone else’s? It can’t. All the lights around the world coexist with one another without issue. That means ours can too. 

    My whole point here is that we should really start integrating darkness and light and see it as one not being able to exist without the other. That when combined, things are seen in an amazingly breathtaking way. You can discover just as much good in the dark as you would in the light if you are willing to open your mind and heart in ways you didn’t think you could. We came into this world from a dark watery portal. When we sleep and dream, it’s dark. When we meditate or pray, it’s dark. When we make passionate love, it’s dark (I don’t know anyone who has ever made love in the light). When it’s time to spark the fireworks, it’s dark. When our family and friends sing Happy Birthday to us, it’s dark. When looking at the stars, it’s dark. And when you sprinkle some light on all of this, it’s absolutely beautiful. You see my point? I encourage seeing the dark as a place to want to visit rather than avoid. I also encourage you to take a moment one day to really look at how beautiful lights truly shine when in the dark and note that if you find yourself in the dark, you shine just as beautiful and bright. 

  • A Date with Darkness & Death

    Death and darkness are two words that most people are naturally fearful of and would do anything to avoid facing it. What is it about the dark that frightens us so much? Is it because we believe there’s something or someone hiding within it that’ll jump out at any moment to “get” us. If they are successful with “getting” us, what will they do, kill us? Were we watching something on television that amplified our belief that we’ll be attacked by something lurking in the dark while we are in it? Does stories from our childhood of monsters and the boogeyman only coming out in the dark haunt us well into adulthood cause us to fear darkness? Are we humans just naturally inclined to thinking negative thoughts when we are in the dark? Is it just society’s notions of darkness that make us resistant towards it? Has anything “bad” ever really happen to us personally while in the dark? Has anything ever happen to YOU? The same goes with Death. Why do we fear death so much? Is it because we expect to live forever? Is it our clinging attachment to the people we love and respect so much that we don’t want them to experience death suddenly, unexpectedly or simply when it’s their time to depart? Is it the uncertainties around the aftermath of death with us or those closest to us? Is it because some of us confuse death and being killed tragically as one? Is our view of death and darkness a limited one or an expansive one? I believe it’s mostly limited due to the mental, emotional and spiritual states of most of society. People fear change so it’s no wonder they fear two things that require big, dramatic and most of the time challenging change. We cling, attach, obsess, are uncomfortable with discomfort, unaware, so how could one embrace these complex and paradoxical gifts of nature called death and darkness. Why would anyone want to be taken out on a date with death and darkness. I understand some of the reasons behind the fear of it but I believe that in order to grow, heal, evolve and live a truly fulfilling life one must embrace the two but not in a literal way.

    When I talk about death and darkness here I don’t mean it in a literal way. The literal idea is similar to my metaphoric concept here but still very different and can be discussed in another blog post. When I say a date with death and darkness it simply means being open to exploring parts of ourselves that no longer serve us, therefore we need to change or a dramatic way of putting it- our old “self/life” needs to die (death) in order for our “new” self/life to be reborn. This can be extremely scary at first. When having to face darkness or the darker parts of ourselves which can be parts of us that we hide from people that are the closest to us, that only we are aware of but still avoid going to that dark place because we can’t bear the heaviness of who we are in secret, therefore we keep it tucked away in the dark never entering it nor letting anyone we know enter as well. We see those dark parts of us like monsters hiding in the darkness ready to attack all who enter which explains why people are so resistant to changing let alone facing the darkness. We believe that maybe a tragedy would occur if we went where the darkness is and sat down and had a conversation with it. The pain of facing the darkness is too unbearable so why face it. The pain hurts so much, so why go there, I’m too afraid because something bad will happen so it’s best I keep living my life as it is even though I have this thing inside me that’s like a plague over my life. We are entitled to think and feel however we want, but what if I told you I think we are going about this all wrong. I think we must change our perspective of darkness to a more positive and uplifting one in this sense because this “darkness” isn’t anything to be viewed as negative since we would essentially be calling ourselves negative. I believe the darkness has no intention of hurting us once we decide to face it head on in the most loving way. The darkness is there to lead us to light. When you sit down with darkness you realize it doesn’t want to hurt/attack you or see you living in pain it wants you to see what’s inside of you that needs to be changed so you can live a more fulfilling and authentic life. The darkness is an ally not an enemy. We were just conditioned to see it that way just like how Black is viewed in the same way while White is a more revered color. It’s all perspective anyway. So why not shift your perspective of this “darkness” and by doing that you’re shifting your perspective of yourself to a more positive and compassionate view which could make you feel more at ease while on the date with darkness and death. Don’t fool yourself into believing that choosing not to attend this date would somehow make your life more convenient, no, it’s actually going to make it harder because you’ll constantly wonder why it seems like your life goes through the same cycles of bullshit over and over and over again. Yes, you guessed it, it’s because you keep avoiding that part of you/your life that needs to be changed (face the darkness).

    What is the Darkness ?

    The darkness could be any part of you that is self-sabotaging. Examples could be your uncontrollable anger, living in the past, addictions, bitterness, hateful towards someone or something, resentful, envy, jealousy, being afraid to take action on a goal due to a lack of low self-confidence, lack of self-love and low self-esteem. It could also be having to tie up loose ends from a past traumatic event because it interferes with how you live life presently. Avoiding the need of therapy could also be the darkness. The darkness could be your inability to feel and express emotions, it could be your reason for living an unauthentic life (the persona you use to fit in, instead of being the real you and standing out). It could even be the need to reach out to family members or friends and apologize but you’re too afraid. Another example could be the company you keep such as friends, family, romantic partners, or a toxic workplace that are sabotaging as well. The darkness could be anything you feel that is a hindrance to yourself and your life. It’s something significant that has your attention because it sends red flags and SOS, But for whatever reason, you avoid and pretend it isn’t there. However, you know it’s there because you see it, feel it, and it’s manifested in your life by way of personal behaviors, or behaviors of those around you, it’s in your recurrent circumstances and situations, it’s in your daily interaction with life and the people in it, it’s there when you are all alone at home or in the car or in the grocery store price checking items. I would consider price checking items to be the darkness as well. But that’s a very personal opinion of mine. It’s the invisible thing that’s real and felt but we just ignore and don’t talk about it. For some people, they honestly are clueless to the darkness believing “this is just who I am”; maybe so if you have no intentions of changing and are totally content with your life. But if you’re like the rest of us who sincerely want to change, then you must be willing to go on this date with darkness. Darkness knows that by accepting its invitation, your life would change for the better leading you to unconditional love that’s fully embraced and embodied and being able to share that with others, and because that’s the energy you now exude, others will give that to you in return. This date leads to finding your Soulmate. You can take that literally or metaphorically. What’s your darkness and are you ready to go out on a date with it?

    Then there’s Death…

    Death is always there patiently waiting for it’s moment to step in, speak its peace and work its magic. Once you decide to work with the darkness and sincerely make changes in your life, a rebirth will occur. Just like darkness, Death’s intention is also not to cause pain and suffering, but wisdom teaches us that pain and suffering are natural constituents of life mostly born of clinging and attaching to someone or something impermanent. Nothing stays the same. Not us, our children, our relationships, life, friends, family, materials, prices etc. I’m guessing that’s why death has such a bad representation. Whether you consider death to be an ally or an enemy is your discretion however it’s only doing what it knows how to do. It’s never personal no matter how much we may grieve over what is no longer here. So if you are aware of the dead weight you’ve been tugging around for so long and it is interfering with the real life you want to live and the person you would like to become not who you think you have to be because of the darkness, then face the darkness, give it and yourself grace, then take death by the hands and be swept into sweet rapture and be lovingly lead into your new life that is filled with WHAT you want in it and WHO you want in it. Births are always beautiful no matter how painful they are. When you look down to see what’s been created, you don’t see or feel pain, you are wrapped in this sweet and captivating moment rendered speechless at what lays before you thinking to yourself or out loud, It was well worth it.

    I am in no way saying this is or will be an easy process. But it is worth your valiant effort towards facing whatever your darkness is and making the necessary changes to create the life you really want since you’re absolutely deserving of it despite what you might have been telling yourself or what someone has made you to believe or if there’s something you think you’ve done that deems you unworthy of a happy and fulfilling life. It’s all bullshit. In life, we make mistakes, we do and say things we wish we could take back, but I believe this is what being a human and living life is all about. We’re are going to get it wrong a lot of times and that is okay. Don’t guilt or shame yourself into believing you don’t deserve a chance to live a fulfilling life. YES YOU DO!!!! Ask for forgiveness, forgive others, love others and allow yourself to be loved, then accept the invitation of darkness and death and go on that date. If you want to live a different life from what you’re currently living, no longer being a slave to your old life to start living a life of real freedom, then say Yes to the date with darkness and death.

    *Disclaimer*

    If this is a touchy subject for anyone who has experienced a tragic or sudden loss including the birth of a child, I am not overlooking, undermining or underestimating the deep emotions felt behind it. If you feel my words are insensitive, I sincerely apologize. It is not my intentions to cause anyone pain from writing this blog. My deepest condolences to anyone who has suffered a loss that is currently being grieved over. I send so much love, light and clarity to anyone in need of it. 

  • 10 Sacred Rules

    10 Sacred Rules of Life I wish I knew 10 Years ago

     I am now aware of life being full of experiences and lessons filled with immense joy and agonizing pain; so I feel I am a little perplexed when I say I wish I knew these rules 10 years ago because I wonder would I be the same person I am today or would I be different? I wonder this because if I knew these rules 10 years ago would it disrupt all the discoveries, experiences, lessons, joy, pain and gratitude I have for myself and life as a whole. Maybe I wasn’t meant to have discovered these rules 10 years ago because it was divinely orchestrated for me to learn them a year and a half ago and then publish them now. These rules are very special but many people are possibly aware of them already since they are an amalgamation of everything I’ve experienced and read over the years. Maybe it was just meant for me to learn all of this at this time then share it with people currently experiencing what I experienced over the years so their self-discovery journey is a smoother path filled with more light than darkness, more love and support than loneliness and isolation, more unity and togetherness and less separation and sadness. Some people are meant to be “martyrs” spreading so much love, light, support and help as much as their heart and soul can fathom so yes, a small part of me wish I did know this 10 years ago, but the other 90% of me is totally fine with how my life is designed and orchestrated because either way I am here spreading as much love, light, peace and wisdom as I can. I am humbled and grateful and my wish is that these 10 rules can truly benefit you in the most profound ways and you pass it on to the next person you think could benefit from them.

    Rule #1. Forgiveness 

    As cliche as it may be, forgiveness really does set us free. Most of the time, nobody knows or even cares about how much a situation has caused us a great deal of pain. Suffering is a choice. It doesn’t take away what happen to us nor are we disregarding someones deplorable actions, however we must move on for our own sanity. Revenge, grudges, resentment or waiting around for an apology won’t always guarantee us closure. Create your own closure by accepting what happened, grieve if you must, and finally letting it go for good. It no longer rents space in that beautiful mind of yours. It can’t afford to anyway.  We  don’t need to remember and replay the same scenario that brings us so much pain over and over again. This inadvertently keeps us trapped and our mind warped in a sea of suffering with no rafts in sight. We need to take back control by genuinely forgiving everyone involved and forgetting altogether. Sometimes this means forgiving ourselves for knowing better but not doing better. Forgiveness is what fresh air is for the lungs; you breathe better, feel better, think better therefore live a better happier and healthier life. No one has control over you or your life except YOU. Forgive and be set free and always remember to be patient in the process. 

    Rule #2. Do not let People Project their Opinions, Beliefs or Standards on You

    Like drugs, “negative suggestion” kills.  What is negative suggestion? (“Someone making a statement intended to discourage or suppress a persons feelings, thoughts, or actions by telling them they shouldn’t or they can’t do something”). I compare this to drugs because it slowly kills you from the inside out. You don’t feel free and happy with your life or within yourself because you’re living according to other peoples standards. It’s extremely exhausting for the soul. Your life is yours to live so live it the way you want to. Your body, your life, NOT THEIRS! Get that job/career, business, friends, relationship, hobbies, the dog, the cat, the car, the experiences, I don’t care what it is you find joy and fulfillment in, freaking DO IT and LIVE IT.  Whatever truly makes you happy inside, then fucking do it. You are so worthy and deserving of living life exactly as you want. Concern yourself with only your beliefs, opinions and standards. Everyday is a sunny day when you live life according to your own standards, beliefs and opinions. It’s freeing to your soul. So start living for you NOW without all the background noise of your friends, family, spouse, coworkers suggestions for YOUR life.

    Rule #3 Only You can Define You

    Similar to rule #2, it’s easy for some of us to let other people and material things such as our job/career, money, cars, education, our children’s education, who we date etc define us; especially our friends and family who swear they have us all figured out; typically judging us by what’s on the surface. They usually define us based off of circumstances and situations we are experiencing in the moment. We also define ourselves by those standards as well especially when life isn’t moving in the direction we would like it to. Life could also be going exactly the way we want, we could be super successful in our own way, yet we are still defined by the external aspects of our life by others…surface stuff yet again. The point I am making is that only YOU can define YOU. Do not let the people around you regardless of the relationship you have with them define who you are whether it’s positive or negative. You are the captain or leader of your own life. Only you can hear the whispers of your heart and soul, not them or your material life. Even if you were to explain your sacredness to them, they still couldn’t define you from that information. The same goes for experiencing unpleasant circumstances; you shouldn’t define yourself negatively based off of a few bumps along your journey. Enjoy the ride while reveling that you are bold enough, confident enough, strong enough to withstand whatever surprises life sends your way. I will not tell you how you should define yourself, but remember, there is always a choice to define yourself by your inherent blessed, abundant and unconditional loving nature no matter what your life appears to be like.

    Rule #4 Reconciling Relationships of any Kind

    When reconciling or overcoming relationship problems of any kind it’s more about us than it is about them. Oftentimes, there are lessons we need to learn about people and ourselves; so that difficult person you had a relationship with was the conduit for that experience. Blaming the other person is pointless even if you feel you are completely justified in feeling that way because it’s all about accountability on your behalf. For example, lets say you were friends with someone who treated you in ways you didn’t deserve and this behavior went on for years. You could argue that they betrayed you, used you until there was nothing left, manipulated, verbally abused you etc; however, we could also ask ourselves why stick around in a situation where we’re not being treated equally and with respect for all those years. Now, I’m in no way “victim blaming or shaming”, my wish is for us to step into our sovereignty and take back control of our life since blaming other people sends the message that we’re giving all of our power and control to the other parties involved; therefore we must be ready to take personal responsibility for our role in the relationship. This means doing some honest and at times, very uncomfortable reflecting. Our willingness to honestly self-reflect prevents the same cycle with a different person from happening over and over again. There will be times when we have to ask ourself what is it about me that attracts these kinds of people into my life or why am I putting up with behaviors that really hurt me deep down inside? People sometimes reflect certain qualities that are in us, they are like mirrors revealing things about ourselves that we may not like such as our low self-worth, lack of self-love, our co-dependent tendencies or how much of a people pleaser we actually are. There are even instances where we realize we share some of the same “negative” characteristics as the people we constantly bud heads with typically in our other relationships with other people, but we wouldn’t dare admit to being just like the person we can’t stand or get along with. My point is that it’s extremely important that we first acknowledge our roles in situations before placing blame on everybody else. It’s useless and mentally and emotionally exhausting. It dissipates our power over our own life causing us to be a slave to suffering and pain. There’s no freedom which means there’s no happiness or joy in our life. We must come to the sometimes harsh or “unfair” realization that the only fixing we can really do is on ourselves and the moment we surrender to this truth is when true reconciliation occurs within all of our relationships including the most sacred relationship we could ever have which is the one we have with ourselves. 

    Rule #5. Honor what’s Sacred to You

    Sometimes it is really best we keep what’s considered sacred to ourselves. If our big dreams scare us at times what do you think it’ll do to others who can’t visualize your dreams like you do. It’s nothing personal, we just have to protect what’s sacred to us from any potential danger the way we would protect our children or something else we absolutely love and cherish. When we share our ideas, visions or personal life such as a relationship with family and friends expecting nothing but positivity and support only to receive the opposite it spoils our happiness, excitement, motivation, inspiration and drive. They unintentionally or intentionally project fear, doubt and/or hate and that poison seeps its way through our subconscious and consciousness manifesting insidious energy around our goals or the relationship we are so happy about repelling us from the life we want to create or is in the process of creating. While I wholeheartedly agree that we are the only ones that can truly derail things from happening in our life, outside influences such as these are a contributing factor to the fall of our potential empire. So to be safer than sorry, it is in our best interest to keep those sacred ideas, goals, plans or our love life to ourselves unless we are absolutely positive that we can trust who we share that sacredness with. 

    Rule #6. Whatever Journey you are on Make it an Adventurous One

    Whatever you are working on or working through do your very best to make it exciting and adventurous. Of course you will come across many challenges and unpleasant circumstances that’s far from exciting or an adventure for that matter but the key is to look at those difficult moments as a test of your strength and power; it’s all apart of the journey, what you are destined to experience in some way so that you can learn and evolve and be better equipped for what awaits you at the end of your journey. This also requires a whole lot of patience. I know, it’s a word most people resent when journeying along their path; but patience is what makes you love and appreciate yourself and others who support you all the more because you are seeing your attitude and behavior in real time on this journey. Being patient also presents the opportunity for you to learn from every experience and places you in a position to help someone else who was exactly where you once were. Being patient means you were present for every step and level on this journey so you’ll be a professional at whatever your craft is in life. You’ll be a professional at turning anything into a good time or a learned lesson or a really good drink after a really long and complicated day. Everything doesn’t always have to be taken so serious to the point where the fun, the lesson and the experience is missed. Laugh at little at the challenges along your journey because trust me you will when it’s all over. Enjoy and embrace your chosen path and journey. Look at it as one wild adventurous ride; a story you’ll share when it’s all over. Trust that whatever’s happening is happening FOR YOU not to you. You’ll be sitting at your throne in no time. It’s all up to you. 

    Rule #7. Focus More on the Lesson than the pain

    When we are knee deep in bullshit it is so easy and common, practically natural for most of us to focus only on the pain of the situation or circumstances. This is one of those easier said than done methods but having the ability to rise above the bullshit that life sometimes throws our way is our best option. Why? Because what we continue to put our focus on is what we will continue to see and live. If all we see is pain and all we feel is pain, guess what, pain will continue to be served everyday. Imagine consuming toxins everyday and think about the effects it will have on your entire body. It’s the same with focusing on toxic thoughts and constantly having toxic feelings towards the circumstances and situation. Your body is slowly but surely breaking down which can eventually manifest as life threatening diseases. Therefore, it’s imperative to focus on the lesson instead of those dreadful thoughts and emotions. You can do this by asking yourself questions such as what is this trying to teach me instead of why is this happening to me or what cycles do I need to break instead of, stuff like this is always happening in my life, why me? Discovering the lesson is the door to personal freedom and inner happiness. Don’t be afraid to get real and raw with yourself even if that means sitting in the discomfort of that painful experience without judgment and criticism and wait for the answers/solutions to reveal themselves. Stand in your sovereignty by having control of your attitude towards the circumstance or situation not the other way around. Understand that the pain from this lesson is teaching you something that is of great significance, it’s not meant to punish you no matter what “mistakes” you made or even if it’s something that happened that was totally out of your control. Focusing on the lesson brings solutions and a resolution. It brings solace to your mind, good health to your body, inner joy and happiness to your entire spirit. Focus on what you want to see more of. It’s your choice. 

    Rule #8. Selfish = Self-care?

    Dedicating a day, a week, a month maybe even a year to get your mind, body, soul and spirit right is top tier self-care, not to mention it’s self-love. The people who you constantly cater to day in and day out might refer to you as being selfish for putting your health and wellbeing first, but they are the real selfish beings trying to project that energy on you because it’s no longer about them right now. We are taught to be selfless with others, and we absolutely should but not to the detriment of our mental, physical and emotional wellbeing. You have to take care of YOU first, otherwise who else will. So if going into hermit mode for however long it takes for you to be your best self and live life the way you deserve, you better do it. It’s not selfish to take care of yourself while holding space for your loved ones to be taken care of as well. You could also send friendly messages to family and friends letting them know you need time to yourself to get your life in order. The ones who truly love and care about you will totally understand, even asking you if there’s anything they can do to help you in those moments. Take care of you by doing anything that feeds and fuels your body and spirit, that makes you feel ALIVE, DO IT as often as you can. Don’t let guilt or shame wash over you in those moments of self-care, especially for those who are parents; you must show up for yourself in the best ways possible so you can show up for others including those precious children of yours. Self-care = self-love = inner fulfillment, a deep sense of contentment for you and the life you’re currently living. Always make the most of that by putting yourself first in the most genuine, sincere unconditionally self-loving way. 

    Rule #9. Do not take Opinions of others Personal 

    When it comes to the opinions of others it’s best to let it flow to you and not through you especially if the opinions are rooted in negativity. Everybody has their own ideas and perspectives about politics, religion, relationships, sports, raising children, education, the latest styles and trends, the best air lines, the list goes on; and we have the natural tendency to take other peoples opinions personal when they don’t align with ours. This will turn what could have been a great and respectable debate or conversation sour because the other party disagrees or maybe their opinion struck a nerve within you causing you to get deep in your feelings in an unhealthy way and lash out. According to our own individuality, how I see things may not be how you see things but that doesn’t mean either of us should take it personal; or even if you do find people who share the same opinions as you, you shouldn’t take it personal because it sends the message to your subconscious and/or consciousness that you seek validation from others. Don’t get wrong, It’s totally fine to humbly enjoy others sharing the same opinions as you but you must set boundaries within yourself to not feel you have to chase after or hound people to share your perspective on matters of life. Even with me sharing my opinions with this blog post on rules to live by, there may be people who fully receive what I share and others who reject it wholeheartedly and I won’t take either opinion personal. I’m still going to continue writing my opinions on what’s in my heart while still holding a space for people to do what they’re naturally inclined to do and I have the choice to let it all flow to me without it having any affect on me or let it flow through me which will have an affect on me. In my opinion (LOL), it’s about standing in your power and having your own voice and your own mind, being your own leader, creating your own rules. Taking an opinion personal is a sign of weakness and insecurities that you probably aren’t even aware of so it’s also helpful to ask yourself “why am I taking this opinion so personal”, “why does what they say hurt me so much” “Is what they’re saying about me or what I do true, is that why I’m so angry and sad about it”. Honestly answering those questions without the debilitating guilt and shame we attach to it helps you to step into your power, confidence, worthiness and freedom. You will feel free to not only voice your own opinions but be able to hear others opinions without taking any of it personal. How cool and much of a necessity in todays society is that?

    Rule #10 Freedom is the Real Happiness

    Freedom is the real happiness. Can you imagine living life exactly as you want without a single worry in your mind or heart about you doing something wrong. Imagine waking up every morning doing things that make you feel internally and externally free and those things are at your discretion meaning your choice of how you live your life isn’t hurting anybody, including yourself. You are able to go to sleep every night with no guilt or shame about how you lived today and you feel no anxiety about tomorrow because you know you are free to live life according to your own standards. The way society is currently set up makes believing in things like this seem pretty farfetched but it’s only because of our conditioned beliefs we hold onto so tightly convincing us that this way of thinking, believing and behaving keeps us safe and protected from some imaginary “force” that will destroy us and our already slaved like life if we started to truly believe in ourselves and in the life we desire to create. The thought of being free to live life the way you desire is fucking scary, trust me I know and I feel you but we must break free of the limitations that we, our family, friends, coworkers, people we never freaking met, (possibly never will) impose upon us and on our desires and our purpose for life. There’s absolutely nothing in this world that limits us. We unintentionally do it to ourselves by fueling the bullshit narratives of others or life circumstances or of course ourselves by saying things like, (I don’t have enough money, I’m a parent, I come from a broken family that was filled with drugs, abuse & alcohol, I come from a wealthy family so people won’t like me or take me serious, I didn’t attend the best schools, I got a GED, I’m not a creative person, I’m unworthy of living a good life  because of what I did, or what happened to me as a kid, young adolescent or full grown adult; even people in their 50s and 60s believing I’m too old, I missed my mark to take action on fulfilling my purpose); omg I can go on and on with the insurmountable excuses we make on why we can’t live a free life. I’m fully aware of external influences that are out of our control but I feel that focusing on that is just another way of convincing us we can’t start making moves towards personal freedom. We can do what we want, when we want, with who and how we want if we just open our non physical eyes to see just how inherently loved, perfect and powerful we actually are. The only person that can truly sabotage our divinely sanctioned freedom is us. YOU. I don’t care what you’re currently experiencing or have experienced, you’re here right now, right, alive and well, correct, breathing, walking, running, tasting, touching, feeling, hearing. So what’s really stopping you. What he said, what she said, or what they or you did, who gives a damn. Freedom is yours & the best part is that it’s free. Forget about the “how” and start focusing on the “why”, that why will carry you to your life of freedom and happiness the way a run down beat up car gets all around town and people are asking questions like “how the hell does that car still get around”, like the driver would tell anyone who asks that question –DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT !, you need to have that same mindset and energy when it comes to your “why” and journey to personal freedom and happiness. You can be free RIGHT NOW if you really want to. I don’t care how crazy it sounds. The choice to being and living a free life is yours to take right now. What are you choosing?

    In closing, if none of these rules resonates with you now my hope is when your spirit is ready, they’ll resonate then. Thank you for taking the time to read the messages of my heart and mind. I wish nothing but abundance, peace and unwavering freedom to you and your life journey. 

    Trayona.