The Realist tarot ever

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  • The devil was Me

    “Real Growth and Elevation happens when we can bravely look in the mirror and realize that we were the monster and mastermind behind the demise and destruction of our lives”

    Blaming the devil or demons is another way to keep us trapped in suffering and pain caused by our inhibitions, patterns, habits, beliefs and daily thoughts all of which are very debilitating to our health and wellbeing. We become stuck, we become sick with life threatening illnesses and diseases or we find ourselves at the mercy and control of some addiction perpetuating the delusion that this addiction, habit or belief is a way to cope or escape from the pain and suffering of our lives when it’s really a way of coping and escaping from ourselves. Our vices are there to teach us life lessons and to help us become aware of the part of us that needs to change. We don’t have to punish ourselves with the plague of guilt or shame nor should we punish others with harsh judgments and criticism. Unfortunately, this has become a natural and daily unconscious behavior from humans. How do we do it? By blaming it all on the devil. 

    Whether we are battling an addiction or dealing with our own fears and doubts that contribute to certain behaviors, patterns and daily thoughts that keep us stuck in ways that are not conducive to our personal development and evolution as humans; we must keep it real with ourselves and realize that it’s (me vs. me) NOT me vs. them or the devil. The devil isn’t the reason we keep living in the painful past, or the reason we can’t do what our heart desires, or the reason we keep picking up the bottle, popping the pills or using some other substance that’s destructive to our body, or the reason we hate people because we refuse to trust them due to past disappointment and heartbreak. The devil isn’t the reason why we won’t take the leap of faith and start that new project or endeavor. The devil isn’t the reason we can’t forgive. The devil is not our friends, family, our parents, world leaders etc. Whatever vices we possess or pain we are currently struggling to cope with, we must learn to lovingly accept it. Embrace it fully. Face it by looking it dead in the eye even when we are quivering with fear. Essentially, we realize we’re looking at ourself, and the consolation in this is that by realizing it’s us, we know we won’t hurt and harm ourselves. 

    The notion of the devil is innately horrific to humans, so it’s no surprise that we are overcome with fear when we have to face “the devil” (ourselves). This is a very hard realization to process let alone work through, so in an attempt to avoid doing the work on ourselves that’s required, we continue with our habits and patterns of escapism to cope with the devil inside of us completely unaware that the devil or “demons” are the very habits, patterns, destructive belief systems and trauma we live with everyday. The devil is the unwise choices and actions we make or the thoughts that tell us we are unworthy, not lovable, undeserving or whatever other morbid thought we conceive that keeps us stagnant and unable to evolve as humans. The harmful acts we inflict upon others is US, not the devil. I believe that blaming the devil is just another way we unconsciously give our power and control away. We become powerless when we blame everything and everyone else except ourselves. We become slaves of our own doing, puppets unaware that we are pulling our own strings or because we give away our power, control and free will, we are under the illusion that someone or something else is pulling the strings and we believe we’re under their/its commands forever. Therefore, cycles of suffering and pain in our lives are perpetuated.

    If we learn to embrace, face and accept the devil (which is the part of us that needs to change), we are actually embracing, facing and accepting ourselves fully without criticizing, judging and rejecting the parts of us that need to change. We are no longer plagued by guilt and shame because of what we did, what happened to us, or what we allowed. We no longer project or blame anyone or anything including ourselves. We just learn to take healthy accountability for our actions, choices and mistakes and use them as lessons and tools to do better by ourselves and be better with others. We forgive ourselves and others and beg the forgiveness of all we have hurt and harmed when we were under the illusion of the devil. We restore our inner strength, resilience, power and control. We become empowered and in control of ourselves and of our lives. We are no longer slaves to the past therefore we become masters of our present lives and (future to an extent lol). Facing, embracing and accepting the devil integrates every part of us making us feel whole, loved and complete. We are no longer separated from ourselves or others for that matter. We become intertwined with the Universal Love that’s inherently ours and is already within us. Everything becomes crystal clear when we face the darkness or the devil inside of us because we are not afraid to open our eyes (inner eye), shine the light, (open our heart) and become fearlessly vulnerable and meet the parts of us that need to change with so much love, tenderness and care like we would give to a child who has been badly hurt.

    We must realize that we are the Masters, Queens, Kings, Princes, Princesses, Gods and Goddesses of our lives and of ourselves. In no way am I ignoring or promoting the ignorance of outside influences, however we cannot become trapped in the illusion of those influences. We must take our power back and realize that it all begins and ends with us (to an extent, of course). We have free-will and power of choice. We can choose to fully and unconditionally Love and accept ourselves. We can choose to break habits, curses, addictions at will if we are willing to look in the mirror without being disgusted or afraid to see that the devil is us and accept that and feel fine about it because when you meet that devil with unconditional  Love, you have won already. There’s nothing to fear at this point because Love, real true Love can withstand anything and anyone you place in its vicinity. There’s no judgment, no hate, no fear, no criticism, it’s just pure and unconditional Love and anything that isn’t from its influence, lovingly falls away, dissipates and releases so that something new, pure and loved is born anew. That’s you if you are willing to fully trust, love and accept who you are right now even if it’s the devil. 

    *Disclaimer*

    I know this topic can be very misleading and controversial so I am in no way promoting ignorance or disrespect to anyones religious beliefs and backgrounds. My intentions for this blog is only to promote Love, self-acceptance and healing in any way I can. If you feel disrespected or bothered by what’s written in my blog, I sincerely apologize. I also want to be clear that I am not saying you (the reader) are the reason that any deplorable act was done to you. I am also not saying that anyone is an evil person either. But if you feel that’s the context of this blog, I apologize. That’s not my intention. Thank you!

    Trayona.

  • & Then She Woke Up

    Suddenly she realized how truly unhappy, bitter, angry, frustrated, slightly depressed, weak, lost, scared and confused she really was. She was a short fuse exploding at the most sensitive to harsh usages. Her life plagued by years of pain and disappointment. Struggles, emotional abandonment, scarcity, lack, witnessing violence and abuse, betrayal, loss, grieving the living and the dead, enslaved to victim consciousness, enslaved to the past, enslaved to desolate circumstances, enslaved to people’s opinions of her, a prisoner in her own mind unaware that she had the keys and any other resource to free her from these psychological binds. She was fucked up mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically. To this day, she wonders how she was even able to navigate through life with such a load heavy and barren enough to break someone or something in half the moment they attempt to carry it. 

    Perhaps, it was the life she pushed out her womb in August of 2012 that gave her some hope, restored her cold, faintly beating heart and whenever she looked at the life she sprung into this world, she knew she could never give up, that she could never leave this precious, innocent life alone in this world. So she kept living and buried all of that pain she was carrying deep within her and covered it by developing a relationship with God and the church, working, a very mild social life, college, law of attraction books and pure avoidance and ignorance. However, nothing stays covered forever, and eventually trash rots and leaves an unbearable smell that can no longer be avoided. She was also unaware that everything she ever experienced was somewhat ordained according to her blueprint for life. A dream and exploration for her soul to transcend and journey here on this plane. Her waking up was inevitable, it was divinely orchestrated, destined in some sense and ironically, she couldn’t be happier.

    She left the prison of victim consciousness behind. She doesn’t even feel that it’s necessary to persecute all who wrongly betrayed her. She knows that she was never perfect and has done and said things she wish she could take back. So this allows her to not only beg for the forgiveness of those she did wrong but she has learned to hold a space of unconditional love and understanding for people who betrayed and hurt her because she knows that at that time they were hurting and dealing with a pain so deep that the only way for them to cope was to inflict. They didn’t know any better, and the ones who did, she still extend love, forgiveness and understanding to them. She woke up and realized victim consciousness chained her to the past, initiated her into believing stories that felt like a curse upon her life. It was as if she walked through life with her eyes and mouth covered so she wouldn’t be able to see how she played a role in her own life being the way it was. She was afraid to express her true emotions and feelings about everything because she believed that no one cared. She actually lived through moments where her life experiences were undermined by people close to her so she shut down even more than before. Everything was “they did this”, “they did that”, “why me”, “why does bad things always happen to me”, “how could she”, “how could he”; but then she woke up and started saying “how could I”. She became honest with herself and begin taking accountability for her actions. She became responsible for her own life. Suddenly, there was no ‘them”, it was only ‘I’. 

    She woke up and started being uncomfortably vulnerable with herself. She saw what really needed to be changed, healed, forgiven and released in her life. She discovered that personal ownership is real power that leads to ultimate fulfillment. She realized there was no one or nothing to blame, including herself. Then, she became even more free. She woke up and understood what was really important in her life. She begin creating a new and solid foundation to place her principals on. She begin working on herself for years solidifying the new paradigm that was initiated into her new life. She woke up and changed her perception of fear, the past, the future, doubt, lack, God, Goddess, people, family, friends, motherhood, romance, love, pain, masculine, patriarchy, feminine, death, rebirth and beginnings. 

    She woke up and made the decision to say yes to her new life, her calling, a clean slate, to surrender herself to the unknown and the known. She woke up and realized she has nothing to lose but everything to gain from trusting and accepting her destiny. She isn’t afraid of who she is and she’s not ashamed by who she was, what she did and what she allowed. She woke up and realized that only she can affirm her ‘I am’. She woke up to her sovereignty, to her innate strength, her inherent gifts, to being as courageous as life needs her to be. She woke up to Love, to light, to darkness, to fear, to heal, to forgive and let go of what no longer serves her. She woke up to her connection to the Spirit and animal realm and all other lovingly light-filled luminous beings from other dimensions and planes. She is now Free, She is open and a mystery. She knows not everybody will understand her, let alone fathom her light but she doesn’t care. She woke up and chose to continue shining anyway. She woke up and chose to really start living her own life the way she desires to. She woke up Awakened; ready to Heal, ready to Transform, ready to Serve, and most importantly, ready to Love.


    *You ever stopped and thought “Wow, I prayed for this. It’s here. It’s really happening,”* Unknown.

  • Surrendering to the Unknown and the Known

    “Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be”. Sonia Ricotti

    Surrendering is a word that’s often feared and resisted like the word discipline. Both are necessary but we avoid it especially when the circumstances calls for it. We mistakenly confuse surrender with giving up, quitting, and even failing. I believe surrendering does entail forms of giving up (releasing control), quitting (letting go) and failing (learning viable lessons), however it’s not in the way we are use to perceiving it. Surrendering to me is about releasing control, truth, letting go of things, people, ideals, ideas etc that no longer serve or align with us and learning from tough challenges and experiences. We resist doing all of this because we don’t know what would happen if we did let go, trust, release, quit or go through the trial and error phase. Not knowing something is scary because we don’t have any control. We are use to controlling the narrative and circumstances and when that isn’t an option, we lose our shit. We are simply scared of losing something or something negative or positive occurring. But what is it that we are afraid of losing and what are we afraid of that’s going to happen?

    There are many books that push the idea of Surrendering and even many of my Tarot and Oracle card readings I do on myself suggest ‘Surrender’ and while I understood the surface meaning of Surrender, I didn’t fully grasp the underlying concept of it until now. My in-depth interpretation of Surrender is being able to fully open up to the unknown and the known. It’s about trusting that everything will work out even when everything around you appears to be falling apart. Nothing makes sense, life seems murky and cloudy, nothing seems to be happening even when you feel you are taking practical action towards your purpose and goals. It’s like being the only one at the party or being in a foreign country where no one understands you and every time you ask for one thing, you receive something entirely different. Surrender is having unwavering faith in God and in oneself. Surrendering is having positive beliefs about a current situation and of the future. Surrendering is being able to fall into life’s arms knowing it’s going to catch you, and when it does, it embraces you with the most lovingly, heartfelt and warm embrace where you feel safe, secure, seen and heard. It swaddles you reminding you that it’s safe for you to open up, to trust, to let go, to gracefully take that L (loss) as a lesson learned and not you being a loser. Surrendering is freeing, it’s as if you were carrying something extremely heavy up a steep hill and when you finally drop that load, this huge wave of relief sets into your body making you feel relaxed, calm and at peace mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Surrendering is knowing absolutely nothing and still being able to feel secure in life, in God and in yourself. You don’t know but you know.

    Do we question the intelligence of life? Do we attempt to control the intelligence of life? What I mean by this is, day and night, the changing of the seasons, Earth’s orbit around the Sun, the Moon orbits around the Earth, the transformation of a butterfly, the eggs laid by animals, the gestation of human life and how once the sperm fertilizes the egg, a heart, lungs, brain, stomach, toes, hands, feet etc are formed. Take a moment to really process how these things come to be as if by ‘magic’ mystery, miracle or nature. They take form and occur by nature or God’s will or through Universal Law, maybe through all 3 since everything in life is connected anyway; but the point I’m making is we surrender to the intelligence of life in a subconscious and conscious way so what if we surrendered to our personal life in the same respect. What if our personal life, goals, situations or circumstances could take form in a miraculous, intelligently universal way like all other things if we would be willing to Surrender? What if resisting Surrender is aborting the birth of a new reality for us. Aborting rebirth. Hindering growth and elevation. Causing a quake in our personal world all because of a refusal to surrender.

    This is where Surrendering to the known comes in. I realized that Surrendering to the unknown coincides with living life in the present. That’s what I mean by the ‘known’. Surrendering to the known means fully accepting yourself and your present life exactly as it is. It’s having complete trust in life that no matter what it appears to be right now, you know even when you don’t fully know that everything will work out the way it’s suppose to. The fully “not knowing” part is the instinctive aspect of us that has to know ‘how’ something will be in order to feel secure, safe and in control, but that ‘how’ dissipates once we fully Surrender to the unknown and the known assuring us that we are secure, safe and things are in control. It’s like flying on a plane and suddenly the plane is hit with extreme turbulence. Your heart may drop into your stomach for a moment but then the turbulence stops, you’re calm now because you understand that happens when flying, but more importantly, you know you’re safe and will not die. 

    Surrendering to the unknown is far from easy and for most it’s not enjoyable but if we combine the unknown with the known, we realize we were overlooking the blessings we currently have such as the basics; a roof over our head, clean water to drink and wash with, a job or career, supportive family and friends, our children are provided for in the best ways possible, our health, having all of our limbs, being able to use our 5 senses, breathing fresh air, shoes on our feet, clothes on our back I mean the list goes on and on. I’m sure you could also name several things to be grateful for in the known. So, no matter how daunting life can be at times, nothing is more powerful than our willingness to surrender to it combined with the miraculous intelligence of life (God), those circumstances don’t stand a chance once you Surrender to them. Because you Know, Trust, Believe and have Faith that everything will work out, IT WILL. Your complete Surrendering to the unknown and the known sends a powerful message to the Universe that lawfully sets things in motion in the most intelligently unfathomable ways. Your courage and resilience in the process will be greatly rewarded, well done. 

  • Shoot Your Shot to the Universe

    “To the stars who listen, and the dreams that are answered”

    Sarah J. Maas.

    Have you ever *shooted* your shot with someone? To my people who may not understand the ebonics of ‘shoot your shot’; it’s mostly used in a romantic sense of taking a chance and asking someone out or letting a person know you have ‘romantic’ feelings for them. However, I’m not just talking about letting a specific person know how you really feel about them, but if that’s your current situation, then I strongly encourage you to let him/her know how you really feel. What I’m talking about is letting the Universe know what you want and how you feel. 

    What’s something you really want to do or receive but are super afraid to make happen? What currently stands in the way of you asking/speaking about what you truly want? Can you visualize your deepest desires? Does what you want burn passionately inside you, but there’s no outlet for you to stream those passions? When it comes to shooting your shot at anything, are you fearful of rejection or have you ever been rejected when you did shoot your shot? Was your rejection met with embarrassment, shame, pain or anger? Or did you just dust yourself off and try again? 

    After you answer these questions, take a moment to imagine the thing/or person you’re shooting your shot to is the Universe. Yes, if it helps, think of the Universe as a person. Imagine letting the Universe know how you really feel and what you really want. If you’re thinking to yourself I sound freaking crazy saying this, Good. Crazy in this case is necessary because sometimes you have to be bold, be wild, be free…be crazy and the amazing part of this is that the Universe rewards these kinds of people since they boldly go where others are to afraid to.

    Shooting your shot to the Universe is simply having a conversation with the Universe like you would with your most trusted friend. Ironically enough, the Universe is actually our friend/ally. It certainly isn’t an enemy no matter what life appears to be on the surface or beneath it. The Universe is a listener, it’s neutral. Whatever you think of yourself and life, it supports. Whatever you want in life, it supports you. So what do you think of yourself and life on the daily basis? Is it positive or negative? Are your thoughts and feelings in congruence with each other meaning are you saying one thing, but deep inside you feel something entirely different? For  example, let’s say you really want this promotion at your current job. Consciously, you’re telling yourself you want this promotion, but subconsciously, you’re feeling like you won’t get it. That subconscious feeling is much stronger than you consciously telling yourself you want the promotion which is why there’s a 90% chance you won’t get it. So when shooting your shot to the Universe, be certain of your confidence. Be bold, be brave, be CLEAR. You don’t need to be concerned about being rejected by the Universe because it won’t reject you. Only you can reject what you want by not fully believing you’ll get it or if it’s not truly in alignment with your blueprint for life. As I stated earlier, the Universe supports what you want or don’t want. It’s neutral.

    Once you have shooted your shot to the Universe, it’s now time to follow through with a strategic plan of action. Don’t think for a second that once you state your desires to the Universe it’s going to come plummeting into your life without any action on your part. Absolutely not. You must meet the Universe half way by taking practical steps to unearth the wants you stated. A personal example for me was when my license was ‘supposed’ to be suspended for 1 year and 6 months. When I tell you guys every fiber in my being was in total disagreement with this decision. I didn’t care how I sounded or looked when I said my license will be restored before the date that was given to me. Nothing opposed my thoughts and feelings when it came to my license being restored including what the law said. I also took necessary action to support my declarations I made to the Universe. And guess what, by the grace of God/the Universe my license was restored as well as other charges being dropped. I believe that was a bonus blessing for remaining true to what I desired. An extra reward to show me how supportive the Universe is especially when we support ourselves. I have so many other examples to highlight the magic and mystery of the Universe and maybe you have some as well.

    Shooting your shot to the Universe does require risks to be taken, but I promise you you’ll be rewarded in the process and in the end. Also, you must be consistent with shooting your shot. Talk to the Universe everyday about your desires. It’s your friend, ally and confidant. No, you won’t be doing to much, asking for too much or ‘irritating’; you’re in fact actually sending passionate and positive vibrations to the Universe by affirming your wants and needs. If there’s something you want, REQUEST it, ASK for it, DECLARE it, AFFIRM it, ACTIVATE it. Do it immediately after reading this blog and be sure that you FEEL what you’re asking for. Do it everyday until that desire is materialized. Be absolutely certain that nothing opposes it no matter what life appears to be on the surface or beneath it. Know it will come. feel that it will come, and take action…Everyday!!! Believe me, the Universe will conspire with you to spring your shot into fruition. Lastly, GET READY because once you shoot that shot to the Universe, be prepared to receive what you ask for. 

  • Channels from Billions

    Journal Entry- 7-7-24

    Time- 12am ish

    I was watching the show Billions and there was a scene at the Skinners Academy at night and while looking at the view, it was absolutely breathtaking how beautiful the lights were shining during that scene. I said/realized everything seems to look better at night. When it’s daytime and the lights are on, the light doesn’t shine as bright as it would if it were dark. The darkness makes light shine more beautifully. Then it made me think of myself and people like me who are seeking, healing and discovering things about ourselves that requires us to go to the “dark places” to find the “light” that’s already within us. What if we looked at the dark how we look at the light and saw that it’s just as beautiful and that the two shouldn’t be viewed as something separate but interchangeably the same. One can’t exist without the other no matter how hard we try to avoid both. Both are equally beautiful and we could learn to see that in ourselves when working through the “dark parts” of our healing. Dark alone or light alone still shines in its own way. Dark and light can be seen as a unit/togetherness because when combined they both accentuate one another. One doesn’t exist without the other no matter how much we try to avoid them.

    I believe it’s unnecessary to shun or disassociate from facing the darkness within ourselves. We are basically emotionally detaching from ourselves and from life. Wandering without a direction or destination can be more of a danger than facing what needs to be acknowledged and addressed within ourselves and in our reality that’s seen as dark. We don’t see it that way because we have been programmed to believe that “dark” or anything “black” is bad or negative and must be avoided at all costs. Being able to see light in darkness and deal with it in the most loving and graceful way takes courage and a lot of vulnerability which represents boldness and resilience in an individual. I feel that boldness and resilience are prerequisites for success among a few other characteristics, but those are definitely the foundation that one must stand on when conquering anything in life. What’s not beautiful about that?

    There’s no need to be ashamed about what’s discovered in the dark because the beauty is in what is being transformed from that. It’s in owning it and not it owning you or letting others use that as a way to have ownership/power over you. There’s no need to hold a negative notion about darkness anymore because when you really open your eyes you’ll notice how things are twice as bright and beautiful in the dark. Many beautiful ideas and desires are kept in the dark because of fear. What if someone in the world needs what you keep tucked in the dark. What if you decide today to shine light on it? What do you think would happen? And does what you think will happen have anything to do with what you think society will think of you once that light is shown on it? If you’re worrying and wondering about others, why do you care so much? How could your light affect someone else’s? It can’t. All the lights around the world coexist with one another without issue. That means ours can too. 

    My whole point here is that we should really start integrating darkness and light and see it as one not being able to exist without the other. That when combined, things are seen in an amazingly breathtaking way. You can discover just as much good in the dark as you would in the light if you are willing to open your mind and heart in ways you didn’t think you could. We came into this world from a dark watery portal. When we sleep and dream, it’s dark. When we meditate or pray, it’s dark. When we make passionate love, it’s dark (I don’t know anyone who has ever made love in the light). When it’s time to spark the fireworks, it’s dark. When our family and friends sing Happy Birthday to us, it’s dark. When looking at the stars, it’s dark. And when you sprinkle some light on all of this, it’s absolutely beautiful. You see my point? I encourage seeing the dark as a place to want to visit rather than avoid. I also encourage you to take a moment one day to really look at how beautiful lights truly shine when in the dark and note that if you find yourself in the dark, you shine just as beautiful and bright. 

  • A Date with Darkness & Death

    Death and darkness are two words that most people are naturally fearful of and would do anything to avoid facing it. What is it about the dark that frightens us so much? Is it because we believe there’s something or someone hiding within it that’ll jump out at any moment to “get” us. If they are successful with “getting” us, what will they do, kill us? Were we watching something on television that amplified our belief that we’ll be attacked by something lurking in the dark while we are in it? Does stories from our childhood of monsters and the boogeyman only coming out in the dark haunt us well into adulthood cause us to fear darkness? Are we humans just naturally inclined to thinking negative thoughts when we are in the dark? Is it just society’s notions of darkness that make us resistant towards it? Has anything “bad” ever really happen to us personally while in the dark? Has anything ever happen to YOU? The same goes with Death. Why do we fear death so much? Is it because we expect to live forever? Is it our clinging attachment to the people we love and respect so much that we don’t want them to experience death suddenly, unexpectedly or simply when it’s their time to depart? Is it the uncertainties around the aftermath of death with us or those closest to us? Is it because some of us confuse death and being killed tragically as one? Is our view of death and darkness a limited one or an expansive one? I believe it’s mostly limited due to the mental, emotional and spiritual states of most of society. People fear change so it’s no wonder they fear two things that require big, dramatic and most of the time challenging change. We cling, attach, obsess, are uncomfortable with discomfort, unaware, so how could one embrace these complex and paradoxical gifts of nature called death and darkness. Why would anyone want to be taken out on a date with death and darkness. I understand some of the reasons behind the fear of it but I believe that in order to grow, heal, evolve and live a truly fulfilling life one must embrace the two but not in a literal way.

    When I talk about death and darkness here I don’t mean it in a literal way. The literal idea is similar to my metaphoric concept here but still very different and can be discussed in another blog post. When I say a date with death and darkness it simply means being open to exploring parts of ourselves that no longer serve us, therefore we need to change or a dramatic way of putting it- our old “self/life” needs to die (death) in order for our “new” self/life to be reborn. This can be extremely scary at first. When having to face darkness or the darker parts of ourselves which can be parts of us that we hide from people that are the closest to us, that only we are aware of but still avoid going to that dark place because we can’t bear the heaviness of who we are in secret, therefore we keep it tucked away in the dark never entering it nor letting anyone we know enter as well. We see those dark parts of us like monsters hiding in the darkness ready to attack all who enter which explains why people are so resistant to changing let alone facing the darkness. We believe that maybe a tragedy would occur if we went where the darkness is and sat down and had a conversation with it. The pain of facing the darkness is too unbearable so why face it. The pain hurts so much, so why go there, I’m too afraid because something bad will happen so it’s best I keep living my life as it is even though I have this thing inside me that’s like a plague over my life. We are entitled to think and feel however we want, but what if I told you I think we are going about this all wrong. I think we must change our perspective of darkness to a more positive and uplifting one in this sense because this “darkness” isn’t anything to be viewed as negative since we would essentially be calling ourselves negative. I believe the darkness has no intention of hurting us once we decide to face it head on in the most loving way. The darkness is there to lead us to light. When you sit down with darkness you realize it doesn’t want to hurt/attack you or see you living in pain it wants you to see what’s inside of you that needs to be changed so you can live a more fulfilling and authentic life. The darkness is an ally not an enemy. We were just conditioned to see it that way just like how Black is viewed in the same way while White is a more revered color. It’s all perspective anyway. So why not shift your perspective of this “darkness” and by doing that you’re shifting your perspective of yourself to a more positive and compassionate view which could make you feel more at ease while on the date with darkness and death. Don’t fool yourself into believing that choosing not to attend this date would somehow make your life more convenient, no, it’s actually going to make it harder because you’ll constantly wonder why it seems like your life goes through the same cycles of bullshit over and over and over again. Yes, you guessed it, it’s because you keep avoiding that part of you/your life that needs to be changed (face the darkness).

    What is the Darkness ?

    The darkness could be any part of you that is self-sabotaging. Examples could be your uncontrollable anger, living in the past, addictions, bitterness, hateful towards someone or something, resentful, envy, jealousy, being afraid to take action on a goal due to a lack of low self-confidence, lack of self-love and low self-esteem. It could also be having to tie up loose ends from a past traumatic event because it interferes with how you live life presently. Avoiding the need of therapy could also be the darkness. The darkness could be your inability to feel and express emotions, it could be your reason for living an unauthentic life (the persona you use to fit in, instead of being the real you and standing out). It could even be the need to reach out to family members or friends and apologize but you’re too afraid. Another example could be the company you keep such as friends, family, romantic partners, or a toxic workplace that are sabotaging as well. The darkness could be anything you feel that is a hindrance to yourself and your life. It’s something significant that has your attention because it sends red flags and SOS, But for whatever reason, you avoid and pretend it isn’t there. However, you know it’s there because you see it, feel it, and it’s manifested in your life by way of personal behaviors, or behaviors of those around you, it’s in your recurrent circumstances and situations, it’s in your daily interaction with life and the people in it, it’s there when you are all alone at home or in the car or in the grocery store price checking items. I would consider price checking items to be the darkness as well. But that’s a very personal opinion of mine. It’s the invisible thing that’s real and felt but we just ignore and don’t talk about it. For some people, they honestly are clueless to the darkness believing “this is just who I am”; maybe so if you have no intentions of changing and are totally content with your life. But if you’re like the rest of us who sincerely want to change, then you must be willing to go on this date with darkness. Darkness knows that by accepting its invitation, your life would change for the better leading you to unconditional love that’s fully embraced and embodied and being able to share that with others, and because that’s the energy you now exude, others will give that to you in return. This date leads to finding your Soulmate. You can take that literally or metaphorically. What’s your darkness and are you ready to go out on a date with it?

    Then there’s Death…

    Death is always there patiently waiting for it’s moment to step in, speak its peace and work its magic. Once you decide to work with the darkness and sincerely make changes in your life, a rebirth will occur. Just like darkness, Death’s intention is also not to cause pain and suffering, but wisdom teaches us that pain and suffering are natural constituents of life mostly born of clinging and attaching to someone or something impermanent. Nothing stays the same. Not us, our children, our relationships, life, friends, family, materials, prices etc. I’m guessing that’s why death has such a bad representation. Whether you consider death to be an ally or an enemy is your discretion however it’s only doing what it knows how to do. It’s never personal no matter how much we may grieve over what is no longer here. So if you are aware of the dead weight you’ve been tugging around for so long and it is interfering with the real life you want to live and the person you would like to become not who you think you have to be because of the darkness, then face the darkness, give it and yourself grace, then take death by the hands and be swept into sweet rapture and be lovingly lead into your new life that is filled with WHAT you want in it and WHO you want in it. Births are always beautiful no matter how painful they are. When you look down to see what’s been created, you don’t see or feel pain, you are wrapped in this sweet and captivating moment rendered speechless at what lays before you thinking to yourself or out loud, It was well worth it.

    I am in no way saying this is or will be an easy process. But it is worth your valiant effort towards facing whatever your darkness is and making the necessary changes to create the life you really want since you’re absolutely deserving of it despite what you might have been telling yourself or what someone has made you to believe or if there’s something you think you’ve done that deems you unworthy of a happy and fulfilling life. It’s all bullshit. In life, we make mistakes, we do and say things we wish we could take back, but I believe this is what being a human and living life is all about. We’re are going to get it wrong a lot of times and that is okay. Don’t guilt or shame yourself into believing you don’t deserve a chance to live a fulfilling life. YES YOU DO!!!! Ask for forgiveness, forgive others, love others and allow yourself to be loved, then accept the invitation of darkness and death and go on that date. If you want to live a different life from what you’re currently living, no longer being a slave to your old life to start living a life of real freedom, then say Yes to the date with darkness and death.

    *Disclaimer*

    If this is a touchy subject for anyone who has experienced a tragic or sudden loss including the birth of a child, I am not overlooking, undermining or underestimating the deep emotions felt behind it. If you feel my words are insensitive, I sincerely apologize. It is not my intentions to cause anyone pain from writing this blog. My deepest condolences to anyone who has suffered a loss that is currently being grieved over. I send so much love, light and clarity to anyone in need of it.