The Realist tarot ever

Tag: Abundant lifestyle

  • & Then She Woke Up

    Suddenly she realized how truly unhappy, bitter, angry, frustrated, slightly depressed, weak, lost, scared and confused she really was. She was a short fuse exploding at the most sensitive to harsh usages. Her life plagued by years of pain and disappointment. Struggles, emotional abandonment, scarcity, lack, witnessing violence and abuse, betrayal, loss, grieving the living and the dead, enslaved to victim consciousness, enslaved to the past, enslaved to desolate circumstances, enslaved to people’s opinions of her, a prisoner in her own mind unaware that she had the keys and any other resource to free her from these psychological binds. She was fucked up mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically. To this day, she wonders how she was even able to navigate through life with such a load heavy and barren enough to break someone or something in half the moment they attempt to carry it. 

    Perhaps, it was the life she pushed out her womb in August of 2012 that gave her some hope, restored her cold, faintly beating heart and whenever she looked at the life she sprung into this world, she knew she could never give up, that she could never leave this precious, innocent life alone in this world. So she kept living and buried all of that pain she was carrying deep within her and covered it by developing a relationship with God and the church, working, a very mild social life, college, law of attraction books and pure avoidance and ignorance. However, nothing stays covered forever, and eventually trash rots and leaves an unbearable smell that can no longer be avoided. She was also unaware that everything she ever experienced was somewhat ordained according to her blueprint for life. A dream and exploration for her soul to transcend and journey here on this plane. Her waking up was inevitable, it was divinely orchestrated, destined in some sense and ironically, she couldn’t be happier.

    She left the prison of victim consciousness behind. She doesn’t even feel that it’s necessary to persecute all who wrongly betrayed her. She knows that she was never perfect and has done and said things she wish she could take back. So this allows her to not only beg for the forgiveness of those she did wrong but she has learned to hold a space of unconditional love and understanding for people who betrayed and hurt her because she knows that at that time they were hurting and dealing with a pain so deep that the only way for them to cope was to inflict. They didn’t know any better, and the ones who did, she still extend love, forgiveness and understanding to them. She woke up and realized victim consciousness chained her to the past, initiated her into believing stories that felt like a curse upon her life. It was as if she walked through life with her eyes and mouth covered so she wouldn’t be able to see how she played a role in her own life being the way it was. She was afraid to express her true emotions and feelings about everything because she believed that no one cared. She actually lived through moments where her life experiences were undermined by people close to her so she shut down even more than before. Everything was “they did this”, “they did that”, “why me”, “why does bad things always happen to me”, “how could she”, “how could he”; but then she woke up and started saying “how could I”. She became honest with herself and begin taking accountability for her actions. She became responsible for her own life. Suddenly, there was no ‘them”, it was only ‘I’. 

    She woke up and started being uncomfortably vulnerable with herself. She saw what really needed to be changed, healed, forgiven and released in her life. She discovered that personal ownership is real power that leads to ultimate fulfillment. She realized there was no one or nothing to blame, including herself. Then, she became even more free. She woke up and understood what was really important in her life. She begin creating a new and solid foundation to place her principals on. She begin working on herself for years solidifying the new paradigm that was initiated into her new life. She woke up and changed her perception of fear, the past, the future, doubt, lack, God, Goddess, people, family, friends, motherhood, romance, love, pain, masculine, patriarchy, feminine, death, rebirth and beginnings. 

    She woke up and made the decision to say yes to her new life, her calling, a clean slate, to surrender herself to the unknown and the known. She woke up and realized she has nothing to lose but everything to gain from trusting and accepting her destiny. She isn’t afraid of who she is and she’s not ashamed by who she was, what she did and what she allowed. She woke up and realized that only she can affirm her ‘I am’. She woke up to her sovereignty, to her innate strength, her inherent gifts, to being as courageous as life needs her to be. She woke up to Love, to light, to darkness, to fear, to heal, to forgive and let go of what no longer serves her. She woke up to her connection to the Spirit and animal realm and all other lovingly light-filled luminous beings from other dimensions and planes. She is now Free, She is open and a mystery. She knows not everybody will understand her, let alone fathom her light but she doesn’t care. She woke up and chose to continue shining anyway. She woke up and chose to really start living her own life the way she desires to. She woke up Awakened; ready to Heal, ready to Transform, ready to Serve, and most importantly, ready to Love.


    *You ever stopped and thought “Wow, I prayed for this. It’s here. It’s really happening,”* Unknown.

  • Surrendering to the Unknown and the Known

    “Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be”. Sonia Ricotti

    Surrendering is a word that’s often feared and resisted like the word discipline. Both are necessary but we avoid it especially when the circumstances calls for it. We mistakenly confuse surrender with giving up, quitting, and even failing. I believe surrendering does entail forms of giving up (releasing control), quitting (letting go) and failing (learning viable lessons), however it’s not in the way we are use to perceiving it. Surrendering to me is about releasing control, truth, letting go of things, people, ideals, ideas etc that no longer serve or align with us and learning from tough challenges and experiences. We resist doing all of this because we don’t know what would happen if we did let go, trust, release, quit or go through the trial and error phase. Not knowing something is scary because we don’t have any control. We are use to controlling the narrative and circumstances and when that isn’t an option, we lose our shit. We are simply scared of losing something or something negative or positive occurring. But what is it that we are afraid of losing and what are we afraid of that’s going to happen?

    There are many books that push the idea of Surrendering and even many of my Tarot and Oracle card readings I do on myself suggest ‘Surrender’ and while I understood the surface meaning of Surrender, I didn’t fully grasp the underlying concept of it until now. My in-depth interpretation of Surrender is being able to fully open up to the unknown and the known. It’s about trusting that everything will work out even when everything around you appears to be falling apart. Nothing makes sense, life seems murky and cloudy, nothing seems to be happening even when you feel you are taking practical action towards your purpose and goals. It’s like being the only one at the party or being in a foreign country where no one understands you and every time you ask for one thing, you receive something entirely different. Surrender is having unwavering faith in God and in oneself. Surrendering is having positive beliefs about a current situation and of the future. Surrendering is being able to fall into life’s arms knowing it’s going to catch you, and when it does, it embraces you with the most lovingly, heartfelt and warm embrace where you feel safe, secure, seen and heard. It swaddles you reminding you that it’s safe for you to open up, to trust, to let go, to gracefully take that L (loss) as a lesson learned and not you being a loser. Surrendering is freeing, it’s as if you were carrying something extremely heavy up a steep hill and when you finally drop that load, this huge wave of relief sets into your body making you feel relaxed, calm and at peace mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Surrendering is knowing absolutely nothing and still being able to feel secure in life, in God and in yourself. You don’t know but you know.

    Do we question the intelligence of life? Do we attempt to control the intelligence of life? What I mean by this is, day and night, the changing of the seasons, Earth’s orbit around the Sun, the Moon orbits around the Earth, the transformation of a butterfly, the eggs laid by animals, the gestation of human life and how once the sperm fertilizes the egg, a heart, lungs, brain, stomach, toes, hands, feet etc are formed. Take a moment to really process how these things come to be as if by ‘magic’ mystery, miracle or nature. They take form and occur by nature or God’s will or through Universal Law, maybe through all 3 since everything in life is connected anyway; but the point I’m making is we surrender to the intelligence of life in a subconscious and conscious way so what if we surrendered to our personal life in the same respect. What if our personal life, goals, situations or circumstances could take form in a miraculous, intelligently universal way like all other things if we would be willing to Surrender? What if resisting Surrender is aborting the birth of a new reality for us. Aborting rebirth. Hindering growth and elevation. Causing a quake in our personal world all because of a refusal to surrender.

    This is where Surrendering to the known comes in. I realized that Surrendering to the unknown coincides with living life in the present. That’s what I mean by the ‘known’. Surrendering to the known means fully accepting yourself and your present life exactly as it is. It’s having complete trust in life that no matter what it appears to be right now, you know even when you don’t fully know that everything will work out the way it’s suppose to. The fully “not knowing” part is the instinctive aspect of us that has to know ‘how’ something will be in order to feel secure, safe and in control, but that ‘how’ dissipates once we fully Surrender to the unknown and the known assuring us that we are secure, safe and things are in control. It’s like flying on a plane and suddenly the plane is hit with extreme turbulence. Your heart may drop into your stomach for a moment but then the turbulence stops, you’re calm now because you understand that happens when flying, but more importantly, you know you’re safe and will not die. 

    Surrendering to the unknown is far from easy and for most it’s not enjoyable but if we combine the unknown with the known, we realize we were overlooking the blessings we currently have such as the basics; a roof over our head, clean water to drink and wash with, a job or career, supportive family and friends, our children are provided for in the best ways possible, our health, having all of our limbs, being able to use our 5 senses, breathing fresh air, shoes on our feet, clothes on our back I mean the list goes on and on. I’m sure you could also name several things to be grateful for in the known. So, no matter how daunting life can be at times, nothing is more powerful than our willingness to surrender to it combined with the miraculous intelligence of life (God), those circumstances don’t stand a chance once you Surrender to them. Because you Know, Trust, Believe and have Faith that everything will work out, IT WILL. Your complete Surrendering to the unknown and the known sends a powerful message to the Universe that lawfully sets things in motion in the most intelligently unfathomable ways. Your courage and resilience in the process will be greatly rewarded, well done. 

  • Shoot Your Shot to the Universe

    “To the stars who listen, and the dreams that are answered”

    Sarah J. Maas.

    Have you ever *shooted* your shot with someone? To my people who may not understand the ebonics of ‘shoot your shot’; it’s mostly used in a romantic sense of taking a chance and asking someone out or letting a person know you have ‘romantic’ feelings for them. However, I’m not just talking about letting a specific person know how you really feel about them, but if that’s your current situation, then I strongly encourage you to let him/her know how you really feel. What I’m talking about is letting the Universe know what you want and how you feel. 

    What’s something you really want to do or receive but are super afraid to make happen? What currently stands in the way of you asking/speaking about what you truly want? Can you visualize your deepest desires? Does what you want burn passionately inside you, but there’s no outlet for you to stream those passions? When it comes to shooting your shot at anything, are you fearful of rejection or have you ever been rejected when you did shoot your shot? Was your rejection met with embarrassment, shame, pain or anger? Or did you just dust yourself off and try again? 

    After you answer these questions, take a moment to imagine the thing/or person you’re shooting your shot to is the Universe. Yes, if it helps, think of the Universe as a person. Imagine letting the Universe know how you really feel and what you really want. If you’re thinking to yourself I sound freaking crazy saying this, Good. Crazy in this case is necessary because sometimes you have to be bold, be wild, be free…be crazy and the amazing part of this is that the Universe rewards these kinds of people since they boldly go where others are to afraid to.

    Shooting your shot to the Universe is simply having a conversation with the Universe like you would with your most trusted friend. Ironically enough, the Universe is actually our friend/ally. It certainly isn’t an enemy no matter what life appears to be on the surface or beneath it. The Universe is a listener, it’s neutral. Whatever you think of yourself and life, it supports. Whatever you want in life, it supports you. So what do you think of yourself and life on the daily basis? Is it positive or negative? Are your thoughts and feelings in congruence with each other meaning are you saying one thing, but deep inside you feel something entirely different? For  example, let’s say you really want this promotion at your current job. Consciously, you’re telling yourself you want this promotion, but subconsciously, you’re feeling like you won’t get it. That subconscious feeling is much stronger than you consciously telling yourself you want the promotion which is why there’s a 90% chance you won’t get it. So when shooting your shot to the Universe, be certain of your confidence. Be bold, be brave, be CLEAR. You don’t need to be concerned about being rejected by the Universe because it won’t reject you. Only you can reject what you want by not fully believing you’ll get it or if it’s not truly in alignment with your blueprint for life. As I stated earlier, the Universe supports what you want or don’t want. It’s neutral.

    Once you have shooted your shot to the Universe, it’s now time to follow through with a strategic plan of action. Don’t think for a second that once you state your desires to the Universe it’s going to come plummeting into your life without any action on your part. Absolutely not. You must meet the Universe half way by taking practical steps to unearth the wants you stated. A personal example for me was when my license was ‘supposed’ to be suspended for 1 year and 6 months. When I tell you guys every fiber in my being was in total disagreement with this decision. I didn’t care how I sounded or looked when I said my license will be restored before the date that was given to me. Nothing opposed my thoughts and feelings when it came to my license being restored including what the law said. I also took necessary action to support my declarations I made to the Universe. And guess what, by the grace of God/the Universe my license was restored as well as other charges being dropped. I believe that was a bonus blessing for remaining true to what I desired. An extra reward to show me how supportive the Universe is especially when we support ourselves. I have so many other examples to highlight the magic and mystery of the Universe and maybe you have some as well.

    Shooting your shot to the Universe does require risks to be taken, but I promise you you’ll be rewarded in the process and in the end. Also, you must be consistent with shooting your shot. Talk to the Universe everyday about your desires. It’s your friend, ally and confidant. No, you won’t be doing to much, asking for too much or ‘irritating’; you’re in fact actually sending passionate and positive vibrations to the Universe by affirming your wants and needs. If there’s something you want, REQUEST it, ASK for it, DECLARE it, AFFIRM it, ACTIVATE it. Do it immediately after reading this blog and be sure that you FEEL what you’re asking for. Do it everyday until that desire is materialized. Be absolutely certain that nothing opposes it no matter what life appears to be on the surface or beneath it. Know it will come. feel that it will come, and take action…Everyday!!! Believe me, the Universe will conspire with you to spring your shot into fruition. Lastly, GET READY because once you shoot that shot to the Universe, be prepared to receive what you ask for. 

  • Channels from Billions

    Journal Entry- 7-7-24

    Time- 12am ish

    I was watching the show Billions and there was a scene at the Skinners Academy at night and while looking at the view, it was absolutely breathtaking how beautiful the lights were shining during that scene. I said/realized everything seems to look better at night. When it’s daytime and the lights are on, the light doesn’t shine as bright as it would if it were dark. The darkness makes light shine more beautifully. Then it made me think of myself and people like me who are seeking, healing and discovering things about ourselves that requires us to go to the “dark places” to find the “light” that’s already within us. What if we looked at the dark how we look at the light and saw that it’s just as beautiful and that the two shouldn’t be viewed as something separate but interchangeably the same. One can’t exist without the other no matter how hard we try to avoid both. Both are equally beautiful and we could learn to see that in ourselves when working through the “dark parts” of our healing. Dark alone or light alone still shines in its own way. Dark and light can be seen as a unit/togetherness because when combined they both accentuate one another. One doesn’t exist without the other no matter how much we try to avoid them.

    I believe it’s unnecessary to shun or disassociate from facing the darkness within ourselves. We are basically emotionally detaching from ourselves and from life. Wandering without a direction or destination can be more of a danger than facing what needs to be acknowledged and addressed within ourselves and in our reality that’s seen as dark. We don’t see it that way because we have been programmed to believe that “dark” or anything “black” is bad or negative and must be avoided at all costs. Being able to see light in darkness and deal with it in the most loving and graceful way takes courage and a lot of vulnerability which represents boldness and resilience in an individual. I feel that boldness and resilience are prerequisites for success among a few other characteristics, but those are definitely the foundation that one must stand on when conquering anything in life. What’s not beautiful about that?

    There’s no need to be ashamed about what’s discovered in the dark because the beauty is in what is being transformed from that. It’s in owning it and not it owning you or letting others use that as a way to have ownership/power over you. There’s no need to hold a negative notion about darkness anymore because when you really open your eyes you’ll notice how things are twice as bright and beautiful in the dark. Many beautiful ideas and desires are kept in the dark because of fear. What if someone in the world needs what you keep tucked in the dark. What if you decide today to shine light on it? What do you think would happen? And does what you think will happen have anything to do with what you think society will think of you once that light is shown on it? If you’re worrying and wondering about others, why do you care so much? How could your light affect someone else’s? It can’t. All the lights around the world coexist with one another without issue. That means ours can too. 

    My whole point here is that we should really start integrating darkness and light and see it as one not being able to exist without the other. That when combined, things are seen in an amazingly breathtaking way. You can discover just as much good in the dark as you would in the light if you are willing to open your mind and heart in ways you didn’t think you could. We came into this world from a dark watery portal. When we sleep and dream, it’s dark. When we meditate or pray, it’s dark. When we make passionate love, it’s dark (I don’t know anyone who has ever made love in the light). When it’s time to spark the fireworks, it’s dark. When our family and friends sing Happy Birthday to us, it’s dark. When looking at the stars, it’s dark. And when you sprinkle some light on all of this, it’s absolutely beautiful. You see my point? I encourage seeing the dark as a place to want to visit rather than avoid. I also encourage you to take a moment one day to really look at how beautiful lights truly shine when in the dark and note that if you find yourself in the dark, you shine just as beautiful and bright. 

  • One Decision away from Changing your Life for the Better, Forever

    One decision huh… Sounds so simple and cliche and quite aggravating depending on where we’re at emotionally and mentally but it actually holds so much power once we fully embody and embrace the fact that we have power and control over our life, therefore we have power and control over the decisions and choices we make. It sometimes doesn’t feel that way when life’s circumstances have taken us over like a huge tidal wave causing us to feel like we’re fighting for our life placing us in survival mode which means we are now unconsciously making decisions based off of our circumstances and those prickly restrictive emotions that has made themselves at home in our beautiful minds and hearts. No bueno. When life gets a little (or a lot) of turbulence we are so convinced that we’re helpless, mindless victims, so the restrictive emotions such as anger, sadness, grief, depression etc, festers and every choice and decision we make reflects those very feelings we have in those moments which then perpetuates those emotions and cycles we find ourselves in day after day, month after month, year after year. It’s mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually draining. It even spills over to the financial aspect of life for those of us who impulsively spend when under a lot of stress. It’s also the reason why it can be so difficult to let go of habits and patterns that no longer serve us. We see this with trying to rid ourselves of addictions as well. Not utilizing our power and control over our daily decisions and choices keeps us stuck and stagnant believing there’s no way out of the murkiness of our life…Our reality. There’s no discernment when it comes to our daily choices and decisions, and sadly enough, there’s no love, no worthiness, no confidence, no hope. We are at the mercy of whatever we’re experiencing at the moment and it’s convincing us that the life we truly want and deserve is farther away than we would like (which causes anxiety and impatience) or just some fantasy in our mind that’ll never be actualized. This is when it’s time to get out of our head for a moment (stop over thinking/analyzing) the negative emotions and debilitating experience we’re in and get into our body. 

    Get into my body?!? WTH does that mean Trayona?

    This is where we have to get a little uncomfortable, vulnerable and transparent with ourselves. For some of us, that’s nothing, but for others, that’s just not the case and it’s totally fine. You’re not alone and it’s very common for us to avoid discomfort on all levels. Getting into our body means fully FEELING every emotion and physical sensation in our body no matter how uncomfortable, difficult and frightening it is. WE MUST BOLDLY GO THERE!!!! Now, I’m not saying to wallow in the “negative emotions & experience” and slip into victim consciousness further complicating the “problem”. I’m saying to fully  FEEL what’s in our body and not judge or criticize it or ourselves for that matter.  Let the feelings be what they are, and what they are doesn’t even need a label (but that’s up to you), and by doing this you are giving yourself permission to embody and embrace your deep feelings no matter how unsettling they are in that moment and you are increasing your self-awareness. 

    So, by implementing this exercise daily, you begin to look at yourself, your life and the situation with a fresh perspective which allows you to release those restrictive emotions because now you’re aware of how they no longer serve you. You now have the space within you to make the right choices and decisions that support you and the life you truly want and deserve. Those intense negative emotions or that undesirable circumstance becomes water under the bridge. You know how to confidently and lovingly deal with all the BS since you allow your feelings to be what they are without judgement or criticism, so when it’s time to make important choices and decisions you have no problem executing because nothing is obscuring that keen self-awareness you now exude. Making healthy choices and decisions becomes easier because you have mental and emotional clarity. For example, lets say you want to lose weight; before embodying your feelings and releasing that toxic energy from your system, the choices you would make would be to continue eating food that leads to more weight gain-causing more stress and anxiety-leading to more unhealthy eating patterns causing more weight gain (notice the cycle). Also, you would make choices to lay around the house binge watching tv instead of getting up to exercise which leads to debilitating thoughts and emotions causing poor choice and decision making (another cycle). But, if you were to do the embody work and release everything that doesn’t serve you, your choices would look like eating more healthier & balanced meals, exercising instead of watching tv or being on the phone mindlessly scrolling, taking a walk or going for a run, doing yoga or pilates, meditating etc. And guess what, all of this contributes to you living and leading a healthier and happier life creating the foundation for you to make choices and decisions that lead to the life you want to live. You can do this for whatever goals you have right now.

    Look, I know all of this is easier said (read) than done, but I’m telling you we must take back control of our decision and choice making. There’s an illusion that life is making the choices for us when really it’s us. We are making these impulsive choices and decisions based on our “negative” emotions and circumstances and this must cease. So, I’m encouraging you (us) to feel those feelings and release when necessary so we can have a clear mind and body and start making the essential choices and decisions that support our hopes, dreams and aspirations. Sometimes it really is the most smallest simplest ideas that lead to profound results, however, by nature us humans just make things more difficult than it has to be. My hope is that you give this a try because I am confident that it will change your life for the better helping you bring your desires into fruition.