Tag: Self-Care

“Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be”. Sonia Ricotti

Surrendering is a word that’s often feared and resisted like the word discipline. Both are necessary but we avoid it especially when the circumstances calls for it. We mistakenly confuse surrender with giving up, quitting, and even failing. I believe surrendering does entail forms of giving up (releasing control), quitting (letting go) and failing (learning viable lessons), however it’s not in the way we are use to perceiving it. Surrendering to me is about releasing control, truth, letting go of things, people, ideals, ideas etc that no longer serve or align with us and learning from tough challenges and experiences. We resist doing all of this because we don’t know what would happen if we did let go, trust, release, quit or go through the trial and error phase. Not knowing something is scary because we don’t have any control. We are use to controlling the narrative and circumstances and when that isn’t an option, we lose our shit. We are simply scared of losing something or something negative or positive occurring. But what is it that we are afraid of losing and what are we afraid of that’s going to happen?

There are many books that push the idea of Surrendering and even many of my Tarot and Oracle card readings I do on myself suggest ‘Surrender’ and while I understood the surface meaning of Surrender, I didn’t fully grasp the underlying concept of it until now. My in-depth interpretation of Surrender is being able to fully open up to the unknown and the known. It’s about trusting that everything will work out even when everything around you appears to be falling apart. Nothing makes sense, life seems murky and cloudy, nothing seems to be happening even when you feel you are taking practical action towards your purpose and goals. It’s like being the only one at the party or being in a foreign country where no one understands you and every time you ask for one thing, you receive something entirely different. Surrender is having unwavering faith in God and in oneself. Surrendering is having positive beliefs about a current situation and of the future. Surrendering is being able to fall into life’s arms knowing it’s going to catch you, and when it does, it embraces you with the most lovingly, heartfelt and warm embrace where you feel safe, secure, seen and heard. It swaddles you reminding you that it’s safe for you to open up, to trust, to let go, to gracefully take that L (loss) as a lesson learned and not you being a loser. Surrendering is freeing, it’s as if you were carrying something extremely heavy up a steep hill and when you finally drop that load, this huge wave of relief sets into your body making you feel relaxed, calm and at peace mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Surrendering is knowing absolutely nothing and still being able to feel secure in life, in God and in yourself. You don’t know but you know.

Do we question the intelligence of life? Do we attempt to control the intelligence of life? What I mean by this is, day and night, the changing of the seasons, Earth’s orbit around the Sun, the Moon orbits around the Earth, the transformation of a butterfly, the eggs laid by animals, the gestation of human life and how once the sperm fertilizes the egg, a heart, lungs, brain, stomach, toes, hands, feet etc are formed. Take a moment to really process how these things come to be as if by ‘magic’ mystery, miracle or nature. They take form and occur by nature or God’s will or through Universal Law, maybe through all 3 since everything in life is connected anyway; but the point I’m making is we surrender to the intelligence of life in a subconscious and conscious way so what if we surrendered to our personal life in the same respect. What if our personal life, goals, situations or circumstances could take form in a miraculous, intelligently universal way like all other things if we would be willing to Surrender? What if resisting Surrender is aborting the birth of a new reality for us. Aborting rebirth. Hindering growth and elevation. Causing a quake in our personal world all because of a refusal to surrender.

This is where Surrendering to the known comes in. I realized that Surrendering to the unknown coincides with living life in the present. That’s what I mean by the ‘known’. Surrendering to the known means fully accepting yourself and your present life exactly as it is. It’s having complete trust in life that no matter what it appears to be right now, you know even when you don’t fully know that everything will work out the way it’s suppose to. The fully “not knowing” part is the instinctive aspect of us that has to know ‘how’ something will be in order to feel secure, safe and in control, but that ‘how’ dissipates once we fully Surrender to the unknown and the known assuring us that we are secure, safe and things are in control. It’s like flying on a plane and suddenly the plane is hit with extreme turbulence. Your heart may drop into your stomach for a moment but then the turbulence stops, you’re calm now because you understand that happens when flying, but more importantly, you know you’re safe and will not die. 

Surrendering to the unknown is far from easy and for most it’s not enjoyable but if we combine the unknown with the known, we realize we were overlooking the blessings we currently have such as the basics; a roof over our head, clean water to drink and wash with, a job or career, supportive family and friends, our children are provided for in the best ways possible, our health, having all of our limbs, being able to use our 5 senses, breathing fresh air, shoes on our feet, clothes on our back I mean the list goes on and on. I’m sure you could also name several things to be grateful for in the known. So, no matter how daunting life can be at times, nothing is more powerful than our willingness to surrender to it combined with the miraculous intelligence of life (God), those circumstances don’t stand a chance once you Surrender to them. Because you Know, Trust, Believe and have Faith that everything will work out, IT WILL. Your complete Surrendering to the unknown and the known sends a powerful message to the Universe that lawfully sets things in motion in the most intelligently unfathomable ways. Your courage and resilience in the process will be greatly rewarded, well done. 

Journal Entry- 7-7-24

Time- 12am ish

I was watching the show Billions and there was a scene at the Skinners Academy at night and while looking at the view, it was absolutely breathtaking how beautiful the lights were shining during that scene. I said/realized everything seems to look better at night. When it’s daytime and the lights are on, the light doesn’t shine as bright as it would if it were dark. The darkness makes light shine more beautifully. Then it made me think of myself and people like me who are seeking, healing and discovering things about ourselves that requires us to go to the “dark places” to find the “light” that’s already within us. What if we looked at the dark how we look at the light and saw that it’s just as beautiful and that the two shouldn’t be viewed as something separate but interchangeably the same. One can’t exist without the other no matter how hard we try to avoid both. Both are equally beautiful and we could learn to see that in ourselves when working through the “dark parts” of our healing. Dark alone or light alone still shines in its own way. Dark and light can be seen as a unit/togetherness because when combined they both accentuate one another. One doesn’t exist without the other no matter how much we try to avoid them.

I believe it’s unnecessary to shun or disassociate from facing the darkness within ourselves. We are basically emotionally detaching from ourselves and from life. Wandering without a direction or destination can be more of a danger than facing what needs to be acknowledged and addressed within ourselves and in our reality that’s seen as dark. We don’t see it that way because we have been programmed to believe that “dark” or anything “black” is bad or negative and must be avoided at all costs. Being able to see light in darkness and deal with it in the most loving and graceful way takes courage and a lot of vulnerability which represents boldness and resilience in an individual. I feel that boldness and resilience are prerequisites for success among a few other characteristics, but those are definitely the foundation that one must stand on when conquering anything in life. What’s not beautiful about that?

There’s no need to be ashamed about what’s discovered in the dark because the beauty is in what is being transformed from that. It’s in owning it and not it owning you or letting others use that as a way to have ownership/power over you. There’s no need to hold a negative notion about darkness anymore because when you really open your eyes you’ll notice how things are twice as bright and beautiful in the dark. Many beautiful ideas and desires are kept in the dark because of fear. What if someone in the world needs what you keep tucked in the dark. What if you decide today to shine light on it? What do you think would happen? And does what you think will happen have anything to do with what you think society will think of you once that light is shown on it? If you’re worrying and wondering about others, why do you care so much? How could your light affect someone else’s? It can’t. All the lights around the world coexist with one another without issue. That means ours can too. 

My whole point here is that we should really start integrating darkness and light and see it as one not being able to exist without the other. That when combined, things are seen in an amazingly breathtaking way. You can discover just as much good in the dark as you would in the light if you are willing to open your mind and heart in ways you didn’t think you could. We came into this world from a dark watery portal. When we sleep and dream, it’s dark. When we meditate or pray, it’s dark. When we make passionate love, it’s dark (I don’t know anyone who has ever made love in the light). When it’s time to spark the fireworks, it’s dark. When our family and friends sing Happy Birthday to us, it’s dark. When looking at the stars, it’s dark. And when you sprinkle some light on all of this, it’s absolutely beautiful. You see my point? I encourage seeing the dark as a place to want to visit rather than avoid. I also encourage you to take a moment one day to really look at how beautiful lights truly shine when in the dark and note that if you find yourself in the dark, you shine just as beautiful and bright. 

One decision huh… Sounds so simple and cliche and quite aggravating depending on where we’re at emotionally and mentally but it actually holds so much power once we fully embody and embrace the fact that we have power and control over our life, therefore we have power and control over the decisions and choices we make. It sometimes doesn’t feel that way when life’s circumstances have taken us over like a huge tidal wave causing us to feel like we’re fighting for our life placing us in survival mode which means we are now unconsciously making decisions based off of our circumstances and those prickly restrictive emotions that has made themselves at home in our beautiful minds and hearts. No bueno. When life gets a little (or a lot) of turbulence we are so convinced that we’re helpless, mindless victims, so the restrictive emotions such as anger, sadness, grief, depression etc, festers and every choice and decision we make reflects those very feelings we have in those moments which then perpetuates those emotions and cycles we find ourselves in day after day, month after month, year after year. It’s mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually draining. It even spills over to the financial aspect of life for those of us who impulsively spend when under a lot of stress. It’s also the reason why it can be so difficult to let go of habits and patterns that no longer serve us. We see this with trying to rid ourselves of addictions as well. Not utilizing our power and control over our daily decisions and choices keeps us stuck and stagnant believing there’s no way out of the murkiness of our life…Our reality. There’s no discernment when it comes to our daily choices and decisions, and sadly enough, there’s no love, no worthiness, no confidence, no hope. We are at the mercy of whatever we’re experiencing at the moment and it’s convincing us that the life we truly want and deserve is farther away than we would like (which causes anxiety and impatience) or just some fantasy in our mind that’ll never be actualized. This is when it’s time to get out of our head for a moment (stop over thinking/analyzing) the negative emotions and debilitating experience we’re in and get into our body. 

Get into my body?!? WTH does that mean Trayona?

This is where we have to get a little uncomfortable, vulnerable and transparent with ourselves. For some of us, that’s nothing, but for others, that’s just not the case and it’s totally fine. You’re not alone and it’s very common for us to avoid discomfort on all levels. Getting into our body means fully FEELING every emotion and physical sensation in our body no matter how uncomfortable, difficult and frightening it is. WE MUST BOLDLY GO THERE!!!! Now, I’m not saying to wallow in the “negative emotions & experience” and slip into victim consciousness further complicating the “problem”. I’m saying to fully  FEEL what’s in our body and not judge or criticize it or ourselves for that matter.  Let the feelings be what they are, and what they are doesn’t even need a label (but that’s up to you), and by doing this you are giving yourself permission to embody and embrace your deep feelings no matter how unsettling they are in that moment and you are increasing your self-awareness. 

So, by implementing this exercise daily, you begin to look at yourself, your life and the situation with a fresh perspective which allows you to release those restrictive emotions because now you’re aware of how they no longer serve you. You now have the space within you to make the right choices and decisions that support you and the life you truly want and deserve. Those intense negative emotions or that undesirable circumstance becomes water under the bridge. You know how to confidently and lovingly deal with all the BS since you allow your feelings to be what they are without judgement or criticism, so when it’s time to make important choices and decisions you have no problem executing because nothing is obscuring that keen self-awareness you now exude. Making healthy choices and decisions becomes easier because you have mental and emotional clarity. For example, lets say you want to lose weight; before embodying your feelings and releasing that toxic energy from your system, the choices you would make would be to continue eating food that leads to more weight gain-causing more stress and anxiety-leading to more unhealthy eating patterns causing more weight gain (notice the cycle). Also, you would make choices to lay around the house binge watching tv instead of getting up to exercise which leads to debilitating thoughts and emotions causing poor choice and decision making (another cycle). But, if you were to do the embody work and release everything that doesn’t serve you, your choices would look like eating more healthier & balanced meals, exercising instead of watching tv or being on the phone mindlessly scrolling, taking a walk or going for a run, doing yoga or pilates, meditating etc. And guess what, all of this contributes to you living and leading a healthier and happier life creating the foundation for you to make choices and decisions that lead to the life you want to live. You can do this for whatever goals you have right now.

Look, I know all of this is easier said (read) than done, but I’m telling you we must take back control of our decision and choice making. There’s an illusion that life is making the choices for us when really it’s us. We are making these impulsive choices and decisions based on our “negative” emotions and circumstances and this must cease. So, I’m encouraging you (us) to feel those feelings and release when necessary so we can have a clear mind and body and start making the essential choices and decisions that support our hopes, dreams and aspirations. Sometimes it really is the most smallest simplest ideas that lead to profound results, however, by nature us humans just make things more difficult than it has to be. My hope is that you give this a try because I am confident that it will change your life for the better helping you bring your desires into fruition.