A Date with Darkness & Death

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Death and darkness are two words that most people are naturally fearful of and would do anything to avoid facing it. What is it about the dark that frightens us so much? Is it because we believe there’s something or someone hiding within it that’ll jump out at any moment to “get” us. If they are successful with “getting” us, what will they do, kill us? Were we watching something on television that amplified our belief that we’ll be attacked by something lurking in the dark while we are in it? Does stories from our childhood of monsters and the boogeyman only coming out in the dark haunt us well into adulthood cause us to fear darkness? Are we humans just naturally inclined to thinking negative thoughts when we are in the dark? Is it just society’s notions of darkness that make us resistant towards it? Has anything “bad” ever really happen to us personally while in the dark? Has anything ever happen to YOU? The same goes with Death. Why do we fear death so much? Is it because we expect to live forever? Is it our clinging attachment to the people we love and respect so much that we don’t want them to experience death suddenly, unexpectedly or simply when it’s their time to depart? Is it the uncertainties around the aftermath of death with us or those closest to us? Is it because some of us confuse death and being killed tragically as one? Is our view of death and darkness a limited one or an expansive one? I believe it’s mostly limited due to the mental, emotional and spiritual states of most of society. People fear change so it’s no wonder they fear two things that require big, dramatic and most of the time challenging change. We cling, attach, obsess, are uncomfortable with discomfort, unaware, so how could one embrace these complex and paradoxical gifts of nature called death and darkness. Why would anyone want to be taken out on a date with death and darkness. I understand some of the reasons behind the fear of it but I believe that in order to grow, heal, evolve and live a truly fulfilling life one must embrace the two but not in a literal way.

When I talk about death and darkness here I don’t mean it in a literal way. The literal idea is similar to my metaphoric concept here but still very different and can be discussed in another blog post. When I say a date with death and darkness it simply means being open to exploring parts of ourselves that no longer serve us, therefore we need to change or a dramatic way of putting it- our old “self/life” needs to die (death) in order for our “new” self/life to be reborn. This can be extremely scary at first. When having to face darkness or the darker parts of ourselves which can be parts of us that we hide from people that are the closest to us, that only we are aware of but still avoid going to that dark place because we can’t bear the heaviness of who we are in secret, therefore we keep it tucked away in the dark never entering it nor letting anyone we know enter as well. We see those dark parts of us like monsters hiding in the darkness ready to attack all who enter which explains why people are so resistant to changing let alone facing the darkness. We believe that maybe a tragedy would occur if we went where the darkness is and sat down and had a conversation with it. The pain of facing the darkness is too unbearable so why face it. The pain hurts so much, so why go there, I’m too afraid because something bad will happen so it’s best I keep living my life as it is even though I have this thing inside me that’s like a plague over my life. We are entitled to think and feel however we want, but what if I told you I think we are going about this all wrong. I think we must change our perspective of darkness to a more positive and uplifting one in this sense because this “darkness” isn’t anything to be viewed as negative since we would essentially be calling ourselves negative. I believe the darkness has no intention of hurting us once we decide to face it head on in the most loving way. The darkness is there to lead us to light. When you sit down with darkness you realize it doesn’t want to hurt/attack you or see you living in pain it wants you to see what’s inside of you that needs to be changed so you can live a more fulfilling and authentic life. The darkness is an ally not an enemy. We were just conditioned to see it that way just like how Black is viewed in the same way while White is a more revered color. It’s all perspective anyway. So why not shift your perspective of this “darkness” and by doing that you’re shifting your perspective of yourself to a more positive and compassionate view which could make you feel more at ease while on the date with darkness and death. Don’t fool yourself into believing that choosing not to attend this date would somehow make your life more convenient, no, it’s actually going to make it harder because you’ll constantly wonder why it seems like your life goes through the same cycles of bullshit over and over and over again. Yes, you guessed it, it’s because you keep avoiding that part of you/your life that needs to be changed (face the darkness).

What is the Darkness ?

The darkness could be any part of you that is self-sabotaging. Examples could be your uncontrollable anger, living in the past, addictions, bitterness, hateful towards someone or something, resentful, envy, jealousy, being afraid to take action on a goal due to a lack of low self-confidence, lack of self-love and low self-esteem. It could also be having to tie up loose ends from a past traumatic event because it interferes with how you live life presently. Avoiding the need of therapy could also be the darkness. The darkness could be your inability to feel and express emotions, it could be your reason for living an unauthentic life (the persona you use to fit in, instead of being the real you and standing out). It could even be the need to reach out to family members or friends and apologize but you’re too afraid. Another example could be the company you keep such as friends, family, romantic partners, or a toxic workplace that are sabotaging as well. The darkness could be anything you feel that is a hindrance to yourself and your life. It’s something significant that has your attention because it sends red flags and SOS, But for whatever reason, you avoid and pretend it isn’t there. However, you know it’s there because you see it, feel it, and it’s manifested in your life by way of personal behaviors, or behaviors of those around you, it’s in your recurrent circumstances and situations, it’s in your daily interaction with life and the people in it, it’s there when you are all alone at home or in the car or in the grocery store price checking items. I would consider price checking items to be the darkness as well. But that’s a very personal opinion of mine. It’s the invisible thing that’s real and felt but we just ignore and don’t talk about it. For some people, they honestly are clueless to the darkness believing “this is just who I am”; maybe so if you have no intentions of changing and are totally content with your life. But if you’re like the rest of us who sincerely want to change, then you must be willing to go on this date with darkness. Darkness knows that by accepting its invitation, your life would change for the better leading you to unconditional love that’s fully embraced and embodied and being able to share that with others, and because that’s the energy you now exude, others will give that to you in return. This date leads to finding your Soulmate. You can take that literally or metaphorically. What’s your darkness and are you ready to go out on a date with it?

Then there’s Death…

Death is always there patiently waiting for it’s moment to step in, speak its peace and work its magic. Once you decide to work with the darkness and sincerely make changes in your life, a rebirth will occur. Just like darkness, Death’s intention is also not to cause pain and suffering, but wisdom teaches us that pain and suffering are natural constituents of life mostly born of clinging and attaching to someone or something impermanent. Nothing stays the same. Not us, our children, our relationships, life, friends, family, materials, prices etc. I’m guessing that’s why death has such a bad representation. Whether you consider death to be an ally or an enemy is your discretion however it’s only doing what it knows how to do. It’s never personal no matter how much we may grieve over what is no longer here. So if you are aware of the dead weight you’ve been tugging around for so long and it is interfering with the real life you want to live and the person you would like to become not who you think you have to be because of the darkness, then face the darkness, give it and yourself grace, then take death by the hands and be swept into sweet rapture and be lovingly lead into your new life that is filled with WHAT you want in it and WHO you want in it. Births are always beautiful no matter how painful they are. When you look down to see what’s been created, you don’t see or feel pain, you are wrapped in this sweet and captivating moment rendered speechless at what lays before you thinking to yourself or out loud, It was well worth it.

I am in no way saying this is or will be an easy process. But it is worth your valiant effort towards facing whatever your darkness is and making the necessary changes to create the life you really want since you’re absolutely deserving of it despite what you might have been telling yourself or what someone has made you to believe or if there’s something you think you’ve done that deems you unworthy of a happy and fulfilling life. It’s all bullshit. In life, we make mistakes, we do and say things we wish we could take back, but I believe this is what being a human and living life is all about. We’re are going to get it wrong a lot of times and that is okay. Don’t guilt or shame yourself into believing you don’t deserve a chance to live a fulfilling life. YES YOU DO!!!! Ask for forgiveness, forgive others, love others and allow yourself to be loved, then accept the invitation of darkness and death and go on that date. If you want to live a different life from what you’re currently living, no longer being a slave to your old life to start living a life of real freedom, then say Yes to the date with darkness and death.

*Disclaimer*

If this is a touchy subject for anyone who has experienced a tragic or sudden loss including the birth of a child, I am not overlooking, undermining or underestimating the deep emotions felt behind it. If you feel my words are insensitive, I sincerely apologize. It is not my intentions to cause anyone pain from writing this blog. My deepest condolences to anyone who has suffered a loss that is currently being grieved over. I send so much love, light and clarity to anyone in need of it.